This is a story I did for the local news in Stevenage regarding Borderline Personality Disorder although chose to remain anonymous as it gets the message across to the mental health professionals and the public to aid better research to help others.
Please take a read and share if you can as will help at least one person.
Thank you x
Allow your soul to feel the warmth of the summer air as you close your eyes and imagine an exotic beach surrounded by fields of sunflowers and dandelions dancing in alignment with the velvet green grass.
Your soul feels passion, it feels delight, it is the symphony of the milk way, an inner warmth that only you can feel.
Really close your eyes. Imagine the blazing hot sun shimmering between the trees separating the path from the shadows, forests of soilders standing guard of engraved copper caves watching over the sea guiding the ships and its sailors.
Imagine a safe spot within the forest where you can let go of your thoughts, a feeling of self-control and self-comfort listening to the echoes of natures most glorious species.
A lighthouse with a light bearing a ninety degree view of the soft white sand.
Breathe in an out slowly but deeply for five minutes whilst imaging the beauty of the forest. The forest by the shore.
One way to separate an individual from a mental health label is to ask them their values.
Values are what separates each individual retrospectively. For example, one person may choose to live in a busy city to work for a top technology firm because they enjoy communication and applying their skills to the general population whereas another person may choose to live in a quiet area surrounded by natural sources such as caves, rivers and twinkling streams.
We all have collective personalities and memories different from another except with the same concept of referring to a memory. These concepts are generated symbols designed by our unconscious to describe our perception and outlook.
The advertising we see are unconscious influencers to our desired wants rather than needs which leaves humans wanting more than what they have hence the rising mental health rates in the western world. Simply, they are symbols. Everything you see is a symbol or a pattern of past events which may be political, scientific, spiritual, genetic- you name it. Everything we see is made up of the five senses and these senses create an improvised network to deliver a message to a sample of a population. Popularity comes from advancements aimed to influence the majority of the population to create a norm, like an establishment of power.
Each symbol will have a different meaning to its peers except when mental health labels are given to us within society yet once people hear someone they know has a mental health condition that isn’t visually observant they begin to analyse and interpret the meaning of that label as an overgeneralised symbol which doesn’t help with separating the individual from the mental health condition. I mean really think about it. People cause the most suffering. Political views have created wars we’ve evolved and used money to give humans a class status, we have first class and standard class on trains and VIP nightclub venues which makes some people feel worthless and unimportant and doesn’t support equality in the slightest.
We can only craft our own meaning of ourselves and set our own boundaries because if we don’t we allow others to do that for us.
A tree never forgets it’s roots right? Well nethier do people.
Observation is a gift. It’s a resemblance of being open-minded. I’m not one of those people who says “Get over yourself” or “You’re just being silly” if someone opens up to me about a problem. I’m the type of person who understands real world situations and what I found extremely interesting about my ability of situational judgement is I could look at the whole picture rather than fragmented parts of others. I look ahead. I look into their soul. A true born empath with the power to make change. The power to make awareness to stop abuse. I’m not a perfect person at all. I have reacted out of fear but never intentionally. Real world abuse is consistent and forms a pattern of behaviour consistent in all settings.
Depression gives a broad view of reality. You notice the counterparts of others negative energy, you notice when the tide creeps in amongst the clay modelled sand and then you strategically build a sandcastle from an element of gratitude, a passion for greatness and the willpower to achieve.
I’m self-reflective. I understand sociology. I understand that life isn’t simple. I understand about suicide because I’ve attempted before and survived. Am I ashamed of being unwell in the past? No because I wouldn’t want another soul feeling the way I did. When I look back and think at the people who laughed at me, criticised me, made me feel powerless amongst their peers, made assumptions, used heuristics and biases to separate me from my passions in life I realised I allowed them to do that because I was unwell at the time.
Its like a game of chess. Some people use iterative reasoning to feel comfortable in their lives and some people (toxic people) use strategic interaction to bring down their opponent. Sometimes you have to take a step back to get to the checkmate.
I have, and this has always given me tremendous guilt. Guilt because when my brain doesn’t want to co-operate and you’re worried about how you will seem.
You just want to apologise to your friend’s but they understand when you’re not well but slowly they begin to walk away from you like you’re a burden that just intensifies your pain and gives your brain that shudder it doesn’t want to feel.
A vibration and a gulp.
A cognitive distortion and overgeneralisation resulting in four factors.
Anxiety, sadness, helplessness and depression.
It’s always better to just go for any positive opportunity you can because you may surprise yourself at your abilities. You may get there and realise not everything is bad as it seems. Be in a safe environment where you can feel loved and cared for and can project your positive emotions on to others is always the way to go.
If only I could apologise to my friends. If only I could make up for the lost hours when I hid myself away. If only I could apologise to the opportunities in the past.
If only medical professionals accepted me for who I was. If only I could become successful when describing my pain to at least help someone out there.
I hear you, I know you’re struggling.
I feel you, I can feel your pain.
I see you, I can visualise your trauma.
Developing skills 📝
I took some rather splendid photographs of Central London this week for my research portfolio which I plan to use to describe mental health using the environment as a visual perspective.
How does this work?
You travel to a place that means something to you personally. It can be local, abroad, or even in your own home.
You take a photograph of that place. They say every picture speaks a thousand words!
So what do we do next . . .
1. Look at the photograph above. Just look at it. Take in all the information visually. Really feel the historical vibe and the patterns of Shakespeare’s famous Globe Theatre. What does the photograph represent? Imagine what you believe is inside that building. This is an exercise designed to look at our inner selves and is a critical thinking exercise. Everyone will have a unique perception of what they feel would be inside. . . So really take a look at it. What does the building mean to you?
How does this relate to mental health do you ask?
This is when we come to step two:
2. Write down all the emotions and feelings you believe this building contains within its frame work. Write down what you believe inspired the architects to design this building in a certain way.
3. What did you learn from doing this exercise?
This is his story.
He walked towards the mirror and knealt down on the night of a full moon, it’s reflection mirrored in the glass. He stopped. His inner evaluative speech triggered his thoughts to reconcile the attachment developments he experienced as a child as he remembered all he had courageously fought through; the mirror having no idea of his hot cognition and the thoughts scraping within his frontal lobe, illogical but overwhelming in deep thinking and solitude.
His eyes were an ombré hazel with a white grey lining, luminous with a dark purple centre. His hair an eerie black, full and fine, flowing discreetly past is pale crimson forehead. His nose, a burnt shade of red, pressed against the pane creating a smear of condensated matter.
He peered more deeply.
It wasn’t a mirror or a glass – it was an icy pool of cold moods, his tears icicles of winter snow, his body a sculpture of stillness. It wasn’t a shop window he was peering into – it was a frozen lake. The lake. The lake of death as they call it. The lake that takes the minds of many suffering so quietly, so elegantly, the lake that has created blessings, the lake a pool of a thousand diamonds. Diamonds that couldn’t speak up about their feelings. Diamonds that so swiftly declined and deteriorated due to the pressures of living within a tormented mind with a soft soul. His soul a powerful reminder of his pressured self-esteem – his body so bare.
Oh how someone would help him, but no one could be seen.