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BPD and CPTSD are the same condition…here’s why.

Borderline Personality Disorder and Complex PTSD are often mistaken for one another.

Growing up I was bullied, endured repetitive abuse, became anxious, had a fear of people but it came to my attention recently what if these two conditions are the same condition?

Let me explain this from an ‘out of the box’ point of view. When you make a recipe such as spaghetti bolognese the ingredients you add or don’t add change the taste. Borderline Personality Disorder is described as originating from trauma and abuse whereas other personality disorders are described as existing before the age of four.

Why is CPTSD consistently mistaken for BPD but not any other diagnoses or personality disorders?

Is there a cure for the borderline afterall?

What if we change the recipe of the treatment methods…would we get different results? Yes, we would.

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Stevenage woman with borderline personality disorder speaks out ahead of Mental Health Awareness Week | Stevenage, Hitchin, Letchworth, Biggleswade News – The Comet

https://www.thecomet.net/news/stevenage-woman-with-borderline-personality-disorder-speaks-out-1-6042184

This is a story I did for the local news in Stevenage regarding Borderline Personality Disorder although chose to remain anonymous as it gets the message across to the mental health professionals and the public to aid better research to help others.

Please take a read and share if you can as will help at least one person.

Thank you x

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Forest Imagery

Allow your soul to feel the warmth of the summer air as you close your eyes and imagine an exotic beach surrounded by fields of sunflowers and dandelions dancing in alignment with the velvet green grass.

Your soul feels passion, it feels delight, it is the symphony of the milk way, an inner warmth that only you can feel.

Really close your eyes. Imagine the blazing hot sun shimmering between the trees separating the path from the shadows, forests of soilders standing guard of engraved copper caves watching over the sea guiding the ships and its sailors.

Imagine a safe spot within the forest where you can let go of your thoughts, a feeling of self-control and self-comfort listening to the echoes of natures most glorious species.

A lighthouse with a light bearing a ninety degree view of the soft white sand.

Breathe in an out slowly but deeply for five minutes whilst imaging the beauty of the forest. The forest by the shore.

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Symbols & Indoctrinations

One way to separate an individual from a mental health label is to ask them their values. 

Values are what separates each individual retrospectively. For example, one person may choose to live in a busy city to work for a top technology firm because they enjoy communication and applying their skills to the general population whereas another person may choose to live in a quiet area surrounded by natural sources such as caves, rivers and twinkling streams.

We all have collective personalities and memories different from another except with the same concept of referring to a memory. These concepts are generated symbols designed by our unconscious to describe our perception and outlook.

The advertising we see are unconscious influencers to our desired wants rather than needs which leaves humans wanting more than what they have hence the rising mental health rates in the western world. Simply, they are symbols. Everything you see is a symbol or a pattern of past events which may be political, scientific, spiritual, genetic- you name it. Everything we see is made up of the five senses and these senses create an improvised network to deliver a message to a sample of a population. Popularity comes from advancements aimed to influence the majority of the population to create a norm, like an establishment of power.

Each symbol will have a different meaning to its peers except when mental health labels are given to us within society yet once people hear someone they know has a mental health condition that isn’t visually observant they begin to analyse and interpret the meaning of that label as an overgeneralised symbol which doesn’t help with separating the individual from the mental health condition. I mean really think about it. People cause the most suffering. Political views have created wars  we’ve evolved and used money to give humans a class status, we have first class and standard class on trains and VIP nightclub venues which makes some people feel worthless and unimportant and doesn’t support equality in the slightest.

We can only craft our own meaning of ourselves and set our own boundaries because if we don’t we allow others to do that for us.

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Till death do us part

A tree never forgets it’s roots right? Well nethier do people. 

Observation is a gift. It’s a resemblance of being open-minded. I’m not one of those people who says “Get over yourself” or “You’re just being silly” if someone opens up to me about a problem. I’m the type of person who understands real world situations and what I found extremely interesting about my ability of situational judgement is I could look at the whole picture rather than fragmented parts of others. I look ahead. I look into their soul. A true born empath with the power to make change. The power to make awareness to stop abuse. I’m not a perfect person at all. I have reacted out of fear but never intentionally. Real world abuse is consistent and forms a pattern of behaviour consistent in all settings.

Depression gives a broad view of reality. You notice the counterparts of others negative energy, you notice when the tide creeps in amongst the clay modelled sand and then you strategically build a sandcastle from an element of gratitude, a passion for greatness and the willpower to achieve.

I’m self-reflective. I understand sociology. I understand that life isn’t simple. I understand about suicide because I’ve attempted before and survived. Am I ashamed of being unwell in the past? No because I wouldn’t want another soul feeling the way I did. When I look back and think at the people who laughed at me, criticised me, made me feel powerless amongst their peers, made assumptions, used heuristics and biases to separate me from my passions in life I realised I allowed them to do that because I was unwell at the time.

Its like a game of chess. Some people use iterative reasoning to feel comfortable in their lives and some people (toxic people) use strategic interaction to bring down their opponent. Sometimes you have to take a step back to get to the checkmate.

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Have you ever let a friend down because of your anxiety?

I have, and this has always given me tremendous guilt. Guilt because when my brain doesn’t want to co-operate and you’re worried about how you will seem.

You just want to apologise to your friend’s but they understand when you’re not well but slowly they begin to walk away from you like you’re a burden that just intensifies your pain and gives your brain that shudder it doesn’t want to feel.

A vibration and a gulp.

A cognitive distortion and overgeneralisation resulting in four factors.

Anxiety, sadness, helplessness and depression.

It’s always better to just go for any positive opportunity you can because you may surprise yourself at your abilities. You may get there and realise not everything is bad as it seems. Be in a safe environment where you can feel loved and cared for and can project your positive emotions on to others is always the way to go.

If only I could apologise to my friends. If only I could make up for the lost hours when I hid myself away. If only I could apologise to the opportunities in the past.

If only medical professionals accepted me for who I was. If only I could become successful when describing my pain to at least help someone out there.

I hear you, I know you’re struggling.

I feel you, I can feel your pain.

I see you, I can visualise your trauma.

♥️💌♥️

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Using the environment to describe mental health💙

6A9D8BEF-6C91-4473-8A93-A64DAE08D7C7.jpegDeveloping skills 📝

I took some rather splendid photographs of Central London this week for my research portfolio which I plan to use to describe mental health using the environment as a visual perspective.

How does this work? 

You travel to a place that means something to you personally. It can be local, abroad, or even in your own home.

You take a photograph of that place. They say every picture speaks a thousand words! 

So what do we do next . . .

Any ideas? 

1. Look at the photograph above. Just look at it. Take in all the information visually. Really feel the historical vibe and the patterns of Shakespeare’s famous Globe Theatre. What does the photograph represent? Imagine what you believe is inside that building. This is an exercise designed to look at our inner selves and is a critical thinking exercise. Everyone will have a unique perception of what they feel would be inside. . . So really take a look at it. What does the building mean to you?

How does this relate to mental health do you ask?

This is when we come to step two:

2. Write down all the emotions and feelings you believe this building contains within its frame work. Write down what you believe inspired the architects to design this building in a certain way.

3. What did you learn from doing this exercise?

💙

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Creative writing: The Innocent Boy

This is his story.

He walked towards the mirror and knealt down on the night of a full moon, it’s reflection mirrored in the glass. He stopped. His inner evaluative speech triggered his thoughts to reconcile the attachment developments he experienced as a child as he remembered all he had courageously fought through; the mirror having no idea of his hot cognition and the thoughts scraping within his frontal lobe, illogical but overwhelming in deep thinking and solitude.

His eyes were an ombré hazel with a white grey lining, luminous with a dark purple centre. His hair an eerie black, full and fine, flowing discreetly past is pale crimson forehead. His nose, a burnt shade of red, pressed against the pane creating a smear of condensated matter.

He peered more deeply.

It wasn’t a mirror or a glass – it was an icy pool of cold moods, his tears icicles of winter snow, his body a sculpture of stillness. It wasn’t a shop window he was peering into – it was a frozen lake. The lake. The lake of death as they call it. The lake that takes the minds of many suffering so quietly, so elegantly, the lake that has created blessings, the lake a pool of a thousand diamonds. Diamonds that couldn’t speak up about their feelings. Diamonds that so swiftly declined and deteriorated due to the pressures of living within a tormented mind with a soft soul. His soul a powerful reminder of his pressured self-esteem – his body so bare. 

Oh how someone would help him, but no one could be seen.

 

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Depression

Have you ever looked around you and people all stable and laughing, the walls closing in on you, the hallways swallowing your mind whole, like you’re pushing yourself through quicksand, like your brain is slow and grounded, like you have no control over your anger? In the lowest moments do you sit there and listen to the vibrations of the brain looking at the world in a different way, like the sand meets the shore of the strongest tide, a mind that never stops. A mind that never stops writing, a mind that never stops thinking, a mind that is positive but a brain as a competitor fighting for survival – the soul telling you to stay strong and have hope, the world around you getting tired of listening to your inner pain, the world around you believing you don’t appreciate what you have except you do but it’s not you that’s ill. It’s your brain. Except you know this. After many failures you’re aware of this but you stay strong, you keep at your goals and aspirations because it gives you hope and you give hope to others experiencing the same things. You pace, you sit and wonder, wonder what went wrong, wonder why your ears hear differently, your eyes see the world in a different way. You just wonder. Wonder why the stable mind can’t understand how you feel because they haven’t been there. They haven’t been where you are. It’s okay not to be okay. You may not be perfect, you may not have made good decisions in the past but your brain has a power. A power beyond your wildest thoughts. It’s a brain with passion, a brain with emphasis, a brain that has a better insight of reality.

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What side of the brain do you use?

 

What side of the brain do you use?

The interaction between both is a game of volleyball, a confusing element within its features, a comprehensive account of our genetics and memory processes…
Skills are what motivates us. Experience is what shapes us. Atoms. That’s all we are atoms.

 

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What is love?

Love is undefinable. You think the person you love will always deliver the same you give to them. If it’s imbalanced it is destructive.

As Shakespeare once said “The route of all heartache is expectation” 

You can’t expect anyone to love you but you can always hold on to that inner hope. You have to love yourself first, flaws and all. The broken pieces of you make up you. Don’t succumb to anger because that won’t get you anywhere. It will create a false picture of you.

Love has its ups and downs. We all have different qualities and different ways in which we see the world. We all have values, we are not our mistakes. We are the character that arises from the mistake. We are whoever we wish to be. Sometimes we just have to believe in ourselves. Love grows, just like a seed awaiting the sunshine and water. Just like the seasons change. Just like the weather changes. Change is inevitable. Change is something we all have to deal with in our lives whether we want to or not. Change is a blessing in disguise. Change is something we have to be uncomfortable with in order to grow, to realise, to deal with.

It’s natural. Oxytocin is a powerful chemical and it can take over the mind of the most empathetic person.

So you’ve made mistakes in your relationships? You’ve questioned your sanity? You’ve portrayed the unexpected? Those are previous circumstances that don’t define you. Have hope for a positive and loving future. Forgive those who have hurt you in life through actions but share awareness of how those actions can affect the mental health of others.

You know the saying “Don’t mix business with pleasure” – it’s because compassion and love should be private but business should be shared with the world to contribute to new discoveries, new developments, new projects. Something that will shape our future generations.

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What is compassion? Daily techniques.

I’ve been working through my compassionate mind workbook written by Chris Irons and Elaine Beaumont when I came across the description of the word ‘compassion’ which cognitively changed my thought process from a negative to a positive:

“Compassion is a sensitivity to suffering in self and others, with a commitment to alleviate and prevent it” 

The questions I am exploring in the workbook presently are as follows:

1. Does the word ‘compassion’ have any negative associations for you?

2. List the situations or experiences where your old brain has been triggered; this means the normal emotions such as anger, irritability, guilt, sadness, joy, defensive behaviours such as fight or flight responses.

3. List your new brain competencies;

Imagination, planning, Rumination, Worry and Self-awareness.

4. List your old brain competencies;

Motives; harm-avoidance, competition, caring

Emotions; Anger, anxiety, sadness, joy

Behaviours; fight, flight and submission.