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A month on sertraline

My symptoms have calmed down a lot since being on the sertraline and limiting contact with the negative people who hurt me in my past. I’m doing what’s necessary for my health as not many people understand the way our experiences can consume us. I managed to get my negative symptoms under control through drama therapy and creative therapies. The traumatic rememinders were new and I think both of them together created a morph of delusion – someone that wasn’t me. I often think why on earth would adults intend to bring me down. Doctors even said to me “You had your own place right?” Yes because I was homeless years ago. That’s insignificant. It’s in the past. I was made homeless because I had nowhere to go and no support network but why would I intend to hurt another human being? I wouldn’t. I get afraid in relationships – afraid of being hurt. I witnessed long term abuse as a child and I grew up wanting to help others so chose the psychology degree and paid £200 for a mind course at the head quarters in London in 2018 to exercise my skills and awareness on mental health. It wasn’t until I made a silly mistake and fall poorly with a new mental health issue that I realised something was wrong. I fall still and breakdown just like any other human being… although the Sertraline is fabulous for me at the moment.

Hey, we are all on a journey. Life is hard for us all in some way or another. Except I have no one. But it’s peaceful. I suppose I like the way wind blows when you’re in isolation and the way the rain falls on my window pane. I suppose I feel comfortable knowing I’ve always got me and always got my back. Some people call it loneliness I call it safety and solitude 💗

 

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What does remembering trauma feel like?

Trauma – many of us have gone through a lot in our lives but when do our traumas consume us? When they have a significant impact on our day to day functioning.

Triggers can be anywhere. A survivor of trauma can develop coping mechanisms when their brains go into overdrive during the fight/flight response and appear angry but not be an angry person.

Triggers can be environments, sights, smells, or people resembling the trauma you experienced. The reason why perpetrators get away with it is because of  the victims defence mechanisms – sometimes you can get nightmares, missing words out in texts, intense distressing feelings and rely heavily on prescription medication.

In complex PTSD the survivor normally has preoccupation with the abuser for a period of time when trying to process their interpersonal trauma within the memory consolidation process.

Be kind, these people require support – you never know what someone has been through until you walk in their shoes.

 

 

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Live life again 👋💞

Here’s the thing about toxic people – they can manipulate anyone around them to deteriorate their subject’s worth.

The end is just the beginning. Stay strong. Lock your heart with a key – think with your head. 

So you’ve had a breakdown? You’ve fallen under? You’ve surrounded yourself with people who think they know you more than you do. They’re not your people. They’re people yet to find their path or people who bully others for entertainment because they don’t value themselves.

That’s the thing about life. You’ll go through life with “others” telling you you can’t do this, you can’t do that. All you have to do is take a sip of water, gain your confidence back and then prove it with your success. Prove it with your actions. Prove to them you will never allow yourself to raise down to their level again.

The best is yet to come. Apologies don’t mean a thing unless an action is applied. 🤘🏻

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Depression

Have you ever looked around you and people all stable and laughing, the walls closing in on you, the hallways swallowing your mind whole, like you’re pushing yourself through quicksand, like your brain is slow and grounded, like you have no control over your anger? In the lowest moments do you sit there and listen to the vibrations of the brain looking at the world in a different way, like the sand meets the shore of the strongest tide, a mind that never stops. A mind that never stops writing, a mind that never stops thinking, a mind that is positive but a brain as a competitor fighting for survival – the soul telling you to stay strong and have hope, the world around you getting tired of listening to your inner pain, the world around you believing you don’t appreciate what you have except you do but it’s not you that’s ill. It’s your brain. Except you know this. After many failures you’re aware of this but you stay strong, you keep at your goals and aspirations because it gives you hope and you give hope to others experiencing the same things. You pace, you sit and wonder, wonder what went wrong, wonder why your ears hear differently, your eyes see the world in a different way. You just wonder. Wonder why the stable mind can’t understand how you feel because they haven’t been there. They haven’t been where you are. It’s okay not to be okay. You may not be perfect, you may not have made good decisions in the past but your brain has a power. A power beyond your wildest thoughts. It’s a brain with passion, a brain with emphasis, a brain that has a better insight of reality.

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What I appreciate about my life 💗

  • I have creative writing abilities and the ability to write books, the ability to understand mental health and the ability to be optimistic in the face of adversity.
  • I have the gift of compassion
  • I love creative writing
  • I enjoy helping the elderly
  • I want to start a domestic abuse project to help victims of subtle psychological manipulation
  • I value life and value equality and opportunities
  • I can read, write and have amazing ideas
  • I always pick myself up
  • I enjoy having emotions, I enjoy being human
  • I like to help loving people
  • I have achieved many qualifications in life as my education is my strength
  • I am emotive and can put my feelings into words
  • I challenge the stigma of mental health and hope for a better world