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Till death do us part

A tree never forgets it’s roots right? Well nethier do people. 

Observation is a gift. It’s a resemblance of being open-minded. I’m not one of those people who says “Get over yourself” or “You’re just being silly” if someone opens up to me about a problem. I’m the type of person who understands real world situations and what I found extremely interesting about my ability of situational judgement is I could look at the whole picture rather than fragmented parts of others. I look ahead. I look into their soul. A true born empath with the power to make change. The power to make awareness to stop abuse. I’m not a perfect person at all. I have reacted out of fear but never intentionally. Real world abuse is consistent and forms a pattern of behaviour consistent in all settings.

Depression gives a broad view of reality. You notice the counterparts of others negative energy, you notice when the tide creeps in amongst the clay modelled sand and then you strategically build a sandcastle from an element of gratitude, a passion for greatness and the willpower to achieve.

I’m self-reflective. I understand sociology. I understand that life isn’t simple. I understand about suicide because I’ve attempted before and survived. Am I ashamed of being unwell in the past? No because I wouldn’t want another soul feeling the way I did. When I look back and think at the people who laughed at me, criticised me, made me feel powerless amongst their peers, made assumptions, used heuristics and biases to separate me from my passions in life I realised I allowed them to do that because I was unwell at the time.

Its like a game of chess. Some people use iterative reasoning to feel comfortable in their lives and some people (toxic people) use strategic interaction to bring down their opponent. Sometimes you have to take a step back to get to the checkmate.

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Another’s perspective of you is not your reality 💌✔️

For so much of my life I’ve worried and then it wasn’t until my ultimate nervous breakdown I realised just how much judgement constitutes for the separation of people within society.

Nowdays I see people guided by opinions irrespective of the facts, conform to a group who seem more confident at their false perception of an individual and repetitively deteriorate someone’s worth to the point they leave them suffering but still post the same old pointless memes; “Check up on your friend.”

I’m an extra artist (not a qualified actor). Sometimes people accuse me of being narcissistic in some way as a borderline when we are opposites of narcissistic people. We only have traits from those who suppressed their sense of power within our solemn minds.

Real narcissistic people hate animals but most of the time will say “I like dogs”, love manipulating people for money and have the potential to kill.

That is real narcissm. Narcissistic rage happens when others don’t conform to your standards or do what you want them to do but that’s the only time you’ll ever see a narcissist angry. 💙

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The Narcissist’s Daughter

This is her story.

She was observant, with a kind nature and an eccentric personality. Her face was a pale white and her hair a smoky brown. Her blue-grey eyes glistened through shreds of broken glass, broken glass that correlated with her fragmented self esteem. She was not a narcissist but she had traits of narcissm from her father.

Her father was a businessman who had a charming and proactive front but would act aggressively to those who crossed his path. Money meant everything to him. He wanted fame. He wanted luxury. He wanted his daughter to be ‘just like him.’ A clone. She often stepped on eggshells to avoid exposing her father’s weak side – the side where he would project his opinions into the placid mind of his daughter who fought so effortlessly for peace. Peace within her surroundings. Her dissociation began as a toddler. Whatever she experienced in her early years affected her personal development except her memories had not been remembered so she wondered through life, with empathy, holding pain on her shoulders for the world to see. She kept a strong face because she knew. She knew she could read other’s hidden motives. She knew of the stigmatisation of the vulnerable exterior except her father had a vulnerable interior. She knew her father had an illness and understood his but he could never understand hers.

 

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Shakespeare wrote about narcissm 🎭

I was analysing some brilliant works composed by Shakespeare and realised that in one of his plays, Macbeth, Macbeth had murdered three people that affected Lady Macbeth and deteriorated her mental health. Her mental health rapidly declined.

This was going back when social media, photographs and television sets weren’t invented yet. Shakespeare wrote about narcissm and the affects of mental health in his own unique language from his own perspective. What happened to Shakespeare’s lost play? What did he experience in his life for him to write? All this is highly interesting in looking at the evolution of psychological behaviours. This is a pure example of how we can combine science with creativity and converge these sectors together.

Narcissists have no issue with death or killing others for personal gain, sense of control or power. If anyone protests against a real narcissist there will be social war and extreme velocity. They can remain calm and stable because their emotions are tucked away in the iceberg of their traumatic history. They are charming at face value and can use language to manipulate their victims into giving in to their demands.

Normal people don’t believe such psychopathy exists because they blend in. That’s the true meaning of narcissm.

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The aftermath of psychological manipulation

What is subtle psychological manipulation?

My personal definition is the process of transferring underhanded tactics to manipulate an individual using majority influence in an attempt to discredit and restrict someone from making their own decisions and deprive them from their basic needs.

Yes I’ve been through this and survived. The damage is long-lasting but it doesn’t mean you can’t get better. Once you’ve been through the process, lost control, doubted your perceptions and lost everything – use your positive mindset to build upon a new foundation, use your experiences to help others and most importantly never give up! Mental health illness can derive from these dangerous tactics used by skilled manipulators. When you conform to their wants and needs you risk losing yourself. You’re better without their judgement, you’re better without them. When you come out of the illusions that traumatised you interpersonally you can build fresh. Love yourself for who you are. 

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What the narcissist will say about you behind the scenes

Have you ever wondered what the narcissist might say about you in your absence??

  1. I’ve had to deal with a lot you know, time will tell – they will mess themselves up.
  2. He/She just wants my attention – take no notice
  3. I’ve got nothing to hide, I’m innocent
  4. They gave me depression
  5. She/He didn’t love me, they were faking it
  6. After everything I done for them I get blamed
  7. Im going to clear my name you know and I won’t stop
  8. I can get away with it

Borderlines have learned narcissistic traits because they attract narcissm. Without realising it they will express the narcissistic traits during high periods of stress but with heart felt emotions whereas the narcissist will express these traits but with a calm and stable demeanour.

Narcissitic victim syndrome is real although it’s actually disguised in the DSM as complex PTSD combined with BPD for the purposes of treatment. A narcissist will only ever say they feel depressed but won’t admit they have any other mental health difficulties which is a shame as with treatment those with narcissistic personality disorder can be loving human beings again although try getting a narcissist into therapy – they may conform to counselling or antidepressants but that’s as far as it goes.

Thats the difference between intentional and unintentional manipulation.

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Borderline Personality Disorder and Relationships

Here’s another post on being in a relationship with a borderline. Borderlines are loving, they like routine and consistency because it balances their moods, thoughts and emotions. They can often seem socially inept but want to socialise without having the necessary interactive skills to because they were so deprived of these skills as children that they grew up with a different outlook on the world. Relationships can be triggers if they are hurt. They can be stable if you respect and love them. They may experience intense pain and distress and their brains may run at a thousand miles per hour in their writing commitments but in the age of social media and social technology is this necessarily a bad thing? Borderlines could be great for business except they attract narcissists because narcissistic individuals have learnt to shut off their emotions and intentionally manipulate others emotionally as they feed off the suffering of others which activates the dopamine in their brains giving them that sense of power – like a mouse loves cheese – a narcissist will attract an empath… but what happens next??

 

The empath will begin to know something isn’t right; the narcissist will flood them with false beliefs by getting to know them more and more and use their weaknesses against them and their past experiences because they know the borderlines have limited support network because of how they are as people. As soon as the narcissist has got the borderline in a position of trust they will switch the situation around on the borderline and make out that the borderline refused to let go. The borderline will then analyse the psychological manipulation of the narcissist and blame themselves until they self-destruct. They will then be seen as manipulative as before they can prevent becoming out of control they will experience intense anger and pre-occupation with the narcissist. There’s no time limit on how long this will last but once the borderline has hit a mental health crisis they know the brain has activated extra activity and they know it has become absorbed. The narcissist will appear stable to his/her peers, point to the borderline and say “I told you she/he was crazy.” The borderline will begin to experience dissociations, the borderline will start to feel suicidal, the borderline will lose all senses but the narcissist doesn’t know how to love because they’ve suppressed their capacity to. Normal people don’t believe such psychopathy exists but it does. The borderline will absorb the narcissist traits during the relationship trigger but the effects will only be noticed once the relationship has ended.

Why do borderlines attract narcissists?

 

Both narcissist and borderlines have good and bad qualities but the difference is borderlines want love and fall in love easily and appear emotionally available and narcissists pretend to love and appear resilient – that’s how they manipulate. Manipulation isn’t intentional in the borderline – it’s a representation of severe pain but why do borderlines attract narcissists?

The most simple answer is because the narcissist has the strong demeanour the borderline wants – hence the saying opposites attract. The borderline can’t help but want deprived love where as the narcissist wants to be able to control and manipulate.

Everyone has narcissistic traits – it’s not always a bad thing. The positive traits are striving for success, we all want prosperity right? Who doesn’t?

Real narcissistic people love death. Death doesn’t bother them. They are so numbed from their emotions that they have a hard time feeling anything. If you ever go against a narcissist – prepare for others to turn against you. The narcissist already painted a picture of you and allowed you to go crazy before you had the chance to defend yourself.

Protect yourself. Don’t overuse the term. Remember. Real manipulation is subtle.

 

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She kept her head up when the world tried to break her down 💕

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Be worthy

You’re Worthy 💙

Grow

Let Others

Define Your worth

Allow others to

Destroy you, but don’t

Let them

Be that broken piece

Forgive those who played with your mind

Begin Again

You are suffering, I see

But . . .

You failed, I understand

Now read it bottom up !! 💕📝

 

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What people think of you is none of your business 💗

People have bought me down so many times in my life and I want to share my story because I take personal responsibility for my actions, I take personal responsibility for my deterioration and I’m moving on from the past and building fresh.

Do not believe people when they try tell you who you are. . . 

Past is past. Whatever you’ve done, whatever someone else has done just remember you’re still breathing. You’re still here. People can only get to you if you allow them to. Knowledge is power. 

Heal from within. Remember who you are before the drains sucked in your soul. Don’t ever allow others to bring you down to a level where you doubt your sanity, where you are manipulated into believing things that aren’t true. That’s not living.

Living is being blessed, appreciative and loving towards others. Don’t be like them. You’re not in alignment with who you really are once you’ve let them destroy your worth. You deserve better.

If I was perfect, I would not be writing this! I’ve made mistakes I’m not proud of. I’ve broken a few hearts which I never intended to do. I’ve fallen for people who wanted me for one thing which is not self-respect, it’s not being worthy of myself. It’s not giving me that future prosperity I’m attaining.

Instead of asking someone why its taken them so long to back away from someone who causes them pain or how can you love someone who causes you pain? Tell them you’re proud they left when they could. 

Love doesn’t discriminate my darling, and I’ve yet to meet a perfect person walking on this planet. Love just happens. 

The right love will come to you when you start believing in yourself and your capabilities. Don’t lower your worth to fit in with those who don’t appreciate you.

Children are not weapons. Children should grow up to be able to make their own sensible decisions. They should not be subject to personal views based on personal experiences because we all have different experiences.

Wave goodbye to those who bring you down and remember how strong you are.

You’re worthy and you got this 💕👋

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Share awareness but protect yourself and your mind 💗📝