The broken moon đźŚ’

What is the meaning of an eclipse?

Is it a partial disturbance of evil covering the light of the stone’s soul?

What is the meaning of night?

Is it to rest our bodies or minds?

What is the meaning of the holes on the moons surface?

Does it emphasise the holes we carry within our hearts?

What is the meaning of a broken soul?

An awareness that there’s a missing piece – a missing part of you that you can’t comprehend. . .

But it’s always the same moon. The same moon we all look up to.

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Creative writing: The Innocent Boy

This is his story.

He walked towards the mirror and knealt down on the night of a full moon, it’s reflection mirrored in the glass. He stopped. His inner evaluative speech triggered his thoughts to reconcile the attachment developments he experienced as a child as he remembered all he had courageously fought through; the mirror having no idea of his hot cognition and the thoughts scraping within his frontal lobe, illogical but overwhelming in deep thinking and solitude.

His eyes were an ombré hazel with a white grey lining, luminous with a dark purple centre. His hair an eerie black, full and fine, flowing discreetly past is pale crimson forehead. His nose, a burnt shade of red, pressed against the pane creating a smear of condensated matter.

He peered more deeply.

It wasn’t a mirror or a glass – it was an icy pool of cold moods, his tears icicles of winter snow, his body a sculpture of stillness. It wasn’t a shop window he was peering into – it was a frozen lake. The lake. The lake of death as they call it. The lake that takes the minds of many suffering so quietly, so elegantly, the lake that has created blessings, the lake a pool of a thousand diamonds. Diamonds that couldn’t speak up about their feelings. Diamonds that so swiftly declined and deteriorated due to the pressures of living within a tormented mind with a soft soul. His soul a powerful reminder of his pressured self-esteem – his body so bare. 

Oh how someone would help him, but no one could be seen.

 

What side of the brain do you use?

 

What side of the brain do you use?

The interaction between both is a game of volleyball, a confusing element within its features, a comprehensive account of our genetics and memory processes…
Skills are what motivates us. Experience is what shapes us. Atoms. That’s all we are atoms.

 

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Is it time to rethink borderline personality disorder?

I thought I’d do a post after seeing a post on Facebook about a kind hearted young girl taking her own life because of borderline personality disorder caused by abuse.

I just want to point out the effects of borderline personality disorder and how it may impact on caregivers:

  • BPD are loving individuals
  • They are not dangerous
  • They are warm and caring
  • They isolate themselves when they feel too overwhelmed, they become angry when they are afraid
  • They experience extreme mood swings when faced with interpersonal trauma and/or distress
  • They think with their heart
  • Its one of the most commonly recognised personality disorders
  • During a crisis the sufferer loses control – as a result this can lead to suicide or intense emotional reactions to triggers that relate to the sufferers interpersonal traumas.
  • They have problems interacting with others and dissociate to mask their inner pain
  • They feel lost and abandoned the majority of the time
  • If intensely bullied/abused may experience delusions and hallucinations
  • Is often confused with Histrionic Personality Disorder, dissociative identity disorder, bipolar disorder, ptsd and narcissistic personality disorder.
  • It’s not a label, it’s neurological and affects the areas of the brain responsible for controlling mood
  • Creativity, drama therapy and music therapy helps with restoring the individual to a normal level of functioning
  • Can affect relationships and are at risk of further abuse
  • Are often criticised by the healthcare professions who don’t understand during a crisis the illness can take over the mind of even the most high functioning borderline
  • This needs to be removed from the personality disorders category because it’s the only personality disorder to have the highest suicide rates and personality disorders start before the age of four -bpd is the result of abuse.

 

What is love?

Love is undefinable. You think the person you love will always deliver the same you give to them. If it’s imbalanced it is destructive.

As Shakespeare once said “The route of all heartache is expectation” 

You can’t expect anyone to love you but you can always hold on to that inner hope. You have to love yourself first, flaws and all. The broken pieces of you make up you. Don’t succumb to anger because that won’t get you anywhere. It will create a false picture of you.

Love has its ups and downs. We all have different qualities and different ways in which we see the world. We all have values, we are not our mistakes. We are the character that arises from the mistake. We are whoever we wish to be. Sometimes we just have to believe in ourselves. Love grows, just like a seed awaiting the sunshine and water. Just like the seasons change. Just like the weather changes. Change is inevitable. Change is something we all have to deal with in our lives whether we want to or not. Change is a blessing in disguise. Change is something we have to be uncomfortable with in order to grow, to realise, to deal with.

It’s natural. Oxytocin is a powerful chemical and it can take over the mind of the most empathetic person.

So you’ve made mistakes in your relationships? You’ve questioned your sanity? You’ve portrayed the unexpected? Those are previous circumstances that don’t define you. Have hope for a positive and loving future. Forgive those who have hurt you in life through actions but share awareness of how those actions can affect the mental health of others.

You know the saying “Don’t mix business with pleasure” – it’s because compassion and love should be private but business should be shared with the world to contribute to new discoveries, new developments, new projects. Something that will shape our future generations.

A solemn night đź’«

Chapter One

She took one last step towards him. Her heart jumped at the sight of her illusions. She was questioning herself. She was wondering by unexpectedly. She felt love for him with no understanding of why. This left her craving more. She realised she had absorbed his personality traits and her brain would never be the same.

It began on a cold winter morning. Owls hooted and crickets chirped.  The sun a pale yellow rising above the mist. The atmosphere was quiet and the air had a delicate warmth in its blow. I felt I had exhausted all efforts in trying to rebuild my life. I was lonely. But not lonely as in craving another person to fill my void, lonely as in lacking the capacity to make good appropriate decisions.  I had just left my family home after a disagreement. I felt abandoned, prejudiced, alone. I wanted to find a quiet spot to relax my thoughts and deal with my pain in solitude but everywhere I turned I had the darkest memories of pain reflecting images of anticipation in my environment. I didn’t see the world the way others did back then. I was avoidant. Avoidant of anyone who would bring me pain. Avoidant of anything that would disrupt my thought processes. Avoidant of anything uncomfortable that suffocated me. Avoidant of the my loving inner virtues like something had blocked my ability to love myself and who I was. I was confused. I couldn’t understand back then. I was seventeen. I had just finished my GCSE’s with a high mark in History.  History was my favourite subject because I liked the way evolution had evolved, how technology had camouflaged the art of survival. It was then I knew I still was using my primitive brain. I wanted it to be manipulated to blend in with social norms, I wanted it to stop being fearful of my past. I wanted by brain to stop being on the lookout for danger but it never complied with my conscience. It was then I moved back to my fathers. I had just come out of a relationship that didn’t end well. I loved this man a lot but I was too unstable within the relationship so he ended it with me. I felt rejected. I felt like I wasn’t deserving of love. He had a strong deameanour which I valued. It was never going to work out so that night I cried myself to sleep hoping that one day I’d have a stable relationship with value and consistency. It was then I met him. An unexpected encounter. I was about to embark on a destructive path.

 

Who am I? (Short text)

Who am I do you ask?

I am the air invisible between the division of speed and time. The fire that burns within her soul. The water that reddens the eyes. Or could that be the salt? Why is there a lot of salt in the sea? Is it to say tears are bitter? Is the sea a pool of tears? But you can’t see my pain. You don’t feel what I feel. You only see what you wish to see – your perception is somewhat different from mine. I’m delirious in thought but seductive in appearance.No matter where I go hallowing thoughts affect my neurotransmitters – my brain is different from yours. I see things as a purpose. Any moment I want to collapse physically, but my body is fine – or is it? These palpitations I feel beat suddenly even when there’s nothing to fear – so it’s clear my heart is working, my body can stand, my eyes can see and I know where I am – the only problem is I don’t know who I am. Some would say I have anxiety. But what is it? Some don’t even believe persistent anxiety even exists but it does. I’m just the tide waiting for the next full moon.