Take away the shame of the stigma… Here’s my story of how I defeated my depressive symptoms…
In September 2018 my brain changed. I knew something was wrong but I couldn’t fathom what and would think about everything I’ve learnt and compare my symptoms to my prior knowledge.
Over the years I’ve had CBT, counselling, attended Mind and even an acting group to help my symptoms but nothing was taking away the days and the nights I would cry myself to sleep.
I had positive opportunities going for me but my brain just was a blur of confusion – like a sponge soaked in past instability and traumas.
At the age of 20 others started to notice I was depressed and I was put on fluoxetine which worked for me and I managed to get to a good level of stability. In 2015/2016 this no longer worked for me and I couldn’t understand why.
I was reluctant to try anything else as had a bad reaction to the fluoxetine when attempted to try it again and was diagnosed with seretonin activation syndrome in August 2018.
A few weeks before my brain changed I was sleeping a lot more than usual and I honestly thought the depression would never ease.
Well it has. It has intensively.
No I’m not ashamed that I was unwell, I’m ashamed of how my mental health condition affected me at the time but you know what… Sertraline is working for me after six weeks and I couldn’t be more grateful… there IS a treatment for depression.
That’s when I realised the biological aspects of mental health were not understood. But one day they will be so others can get the help they need.
Sometimes we have to stand up to what we believe in. So if you see me being positive thank Science 🧪 🙌
This is his story.
He walked towards the mirror and knealt down on the night of a full moon, it’s reflection mirrored in the glass. He stopped. His inner evaluative speech triggered his thoughts to reconcile the attachment developments he experienced as a child as he remembered all he had courageously fought through; the mirror having no idea of his hot cognition and the thoughts scraping within his frontal lobe, illogical but overwhelming in deep thinking and solitude.
His eyes were an ombré hazel with a white grey lining, luminous with a dark purple centre. His hair an eerie black, full and fine, flowing discreetly past is pale crimson forehead. His nose, a burnt shade of red, pressed against the pane creating a smear of condensated matter.
He peered more deeply.
It wasn’t a mirror or a glass – it was an icy pool of cold moods, his tears icicles of winter snow, his body a sculpture of stillness. It wasn’t a shop window he was peering into – it was a frozen lake. The lake. The lake of death as they call it. The lake that takes the minds of many suffering so quietly, so elegantly, the lake that has created blessings, the lake a pool of a thousand diamonds. Diamonds that couldn’t speak up about their feelings. Diamonds that so swiftly declined and deteriorated due to the pressures of living within a tormented mind with a soft soul. His soul a powerful reminder of his pressured self-esteem – his body so bare.
Oh how someone would help him, but no one could be seen.
What side of the brain do you use?
The interaction between both is a game of volleyball, a confusing element within its features, a comprehensive account of our genetics and memory processes…
Skills are what motivates us. Experience is what shapes us. Atoms. That’s all we are atoms.
I thought I’d do a post after seeing a post on Facebook about a kind hearted young girl taking her own life because of borderline personality disorder caused by abuse.
I just want to point out the effects of borderline personality disorder and how it may impact on caregivers:
- BPD are loving individuals
- They are not dangerous
- They are warm and caring
- They isolate themselves when they feel too overwhelmed, they become angry when they are afraid
- They experience extreme mood swings when faced with interpersonal trauma and/or distress
- They think with their heart
- Its one of the most commonly recognised personality disorders
- During a crisis the sufferer loses control – as a result this can lead to suicide or intense emotional reactions to triggers that relate to the sufferers interpersonal traumas.
- They have problems interacting with others and dissociate to mask their inner pain
- They feel lost and abandoned the majority of the time
- If intensely bullied/abused may experience delusions and hallucinations
- Is often confused with Histrionic Personality Disorder, dissociative identity disorder, bipolar disorder, ptsd and narcissistic personality disorder.
- It’s not a label, it’s neurological and affects the areas of the brain responsible for controlling mood
- Creativity, drama therapy and music therapy helps with restoring the individual to a normal level of functioning
- Can affect relationships and are at risk of further abuse
- Are often criticised by the healthcare professions who don’t understand during a crisis the illness can take over the mind of even the most high functioning borderline
- This needs to be removed from the personality disorders category because it’s the only personality disorder to have the highest suicide rates and personality disorders start before the age of four -bpd is the result of abuse.
Love is undefinable. You think the person you love will always deliver the same you give to them. If it’s imbalanced it is destructive.
As Shakespeare once said “The route of all heartache is expectation”
You can’t expect anyone to love you but you can always hold on to that inner hope. You have to love yourself first, flaws and all. The broken pieces of you make up you. Don’t succumb to anger because that won’t get you anywhere. It will create a false picture of you.
Love has its ups and downs. We all have different qualities and different ways in which we see the world. We all have values, we are not our mistakes. We are the character that arises from the mistake. We are whoever we wish to be. Sometimes we just have to believe in ourselves. Love grows, just like a seed awaiting the sunshine and water. Just like the seasons change. Just like the weather changes. Change is inevitable. Change is something we all have to deal with in our lives whether we want to or not. Change is a blessing in disguise. Change is something we have to be uncomfortable with in order to grow, to realise, to deal with.
It’s natural. Oxytocin is a powerful chemical and it can take over the mind of the most empathetic person.
So you’ve made mistakes in your relationships? You’ve questioned your sanity? You’ve portrayed the unexpected? Those are previous circumstances that don’t define you. Have hope for a positive and loving future. Forgive those who have hurt you in life through actions but share awareness of how those actions can affect the mental health of others.
You know the saying “Don’t mix business with pleasure” – it’s because compassion and love should be private but business should be shared with the world to contribute to new discoveries, new developments, new projects. Something that will shape our future generations.