Stevenage woman with borderline personality disorder speaks out ahead of Mental Health Awareness Week | Stevenage, Hitchin, Letchworth, Biggleswade News – The Comet

https://www.thecomet.net/news/stevenage-woman-with-borderline-personality-disorder-speaks-out-1-6042184

This is a story I did for the local news in Stevenage regarding Borderline Personality Disorder although chose to remain anonymous as it gets the message across to the mental health professionals and the public to aid better research to help others.

Please take a read and share if you can as will help at least one person.

Thank you x

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The Wishing Glass

Wash up a glass sauce jar, cut up little pieces of scrap paper and draw a face on them with the mood you are in three times a day at the same hour for two weeks. Write the date and come back to the jar a few weeks later.

What does the paper say about your moods?

Is there a specific time when you feel more better during the day? Keep a record and write down a list of your abilities, your hobbies and your potential.

Learn new creative skills and share your experiences with others ♡

Have you ever let a friend down because of your anxiety?

I have, and this has always given me tremendous guilt. Guilt because when my brain doesn’t want to co-operate and you’re worried about how you will seem.

You just want to apologise to your friend’s but they understand when you’re not well but slowly they begin to walk away from you like you’re a burden that just intensifies your pain and gives your brain that shudder it doesn’t want to feel.

A vibration and a gulp.

A cognitive distortion and overgeneralisation resulting in four factors.

Anxiety, sadness, helplessness and depression.

It’s always better to just go for any positive opportunity you can because you may surprise yourself at your abilities. You may get there and realise not everything is bad as it seems. Be in a safe environment where you can feel loved and cared for and can project your positive emotions on to others is always the way to go.

If only I could apologise to my friends. If only I could make up for the lost hours when I hid myself away. If only I could apologise to the opportunities in the past.

If only medical professionals accepted me for who I was. If only I could become successful when describing my pain to at least help someone out there.

I hear you, I know you’re struggling.

I feel you, I can feel your pain.

I see you, I can visualise your trauma.

♥️💌♥️

Self-reflection and creative ideas

Many people ask me where my creative ideas come from. They come from my experience, the come from the fireworks of chemicals zapping through my fragile mind.

Am I ashamed of this? No. Why should I be?

Its not about what is wrong with us, it’s about how we can improve our own mental health and wellbeing without affecting those around us. We all can’t have the same opinions. It’s like when people judge your past and assume you would grow up to be a negative individual searching for more pain to add to your life that you’ve already experienced.

This isn’t true. If it was – nearly everyone would have broken down and lost themselves completely by now. Sometimes we don’t even realise our strengths until we are thrust in the darkness, neglected, having that ambition for a better and prosperous life.

Keep going. Because it will happen.

What the narcissist will say about you behind the scenes

Have you ever wondered what the narcissist might say about you in your absence??

  1. I’ve had to deal with a lot you know, time will tell – they will mess themselves up.
  2. He/She just wants my attention – take no notice
  3. I’ve got nothing to hide, I’m innocent
  4. They gave me depression
  5. She/He didn’t love me, they were faking it
  6. After everything I done for them I get blamed
  7. Im going to clear my name you know and I won’t stop
  8. I can get away with it

Borderlines have learned narcissistic traits because they attract narcissm. Without realising it they will express the narcissistic traits during high periods of stress but with heart felt emotions whereas the narcissist will express these traits but with a calm and stable demeanour.

Narcissitic victim syndrome is real although it’s actually disguised in the DSM as complex PTSD combined with BPD for the purposes of treatment. A narcissist will only ever say they feel depressed but won’t admit they have any other mental health difficulties which is a shame as with treatment those with narcissistic personality disorder can be loving human beings again although try getting a narcissist into therapy – they may conform to counselling or antidepressants but that’s as far as it goes.

Thats the difference between intentional and unintentional manipulation.

Being open about mental health isn’t attention seeking 💓

In order for others to have their voice heard there needs to be change and there will be change. We need less discrimination in society and more practicicalities to aid individuals with the necessary life skills to be able to do well with their life. Some people want the help and some people don’t. The first step in getting help is to ask. That’s exactly what I did except was met with “I’ve gone through a lot in my life Natalie, what do you want help with today?” – my mental health crisis. Why would the changes in my brain be related to life events – yes a life event triggered it and I don’t drink or do drugs and the impulsivity of BPD decreases over time so I suggested it was complex ptsd instead although my views weren’t heard and it was put down to the one diagnosis I always had. This has made me realise the austerity in relation to mental health and instead of reacting I’ve accepted their views because voicing my feelings and opinion isn’t going to work with mental health professionals. They don’t understand sometimes that not everything is related to life events although they can be triggers. BPD is a mood disorder and does have suicidal thoughts and mania that rapid cycle within a day. I’m so glad I’m at a level of stability. Either that or I’ve been misdiagnosed but either way I’m proud of myself for getting through the suicidal moments 💗

A conflict of values

I’m afraid of lifts but admire the open space

I’m afraid of people yet admire sociology and people

I’m afraid of my past but admire looking towards the future

I’m afraid of inconsistency yet admire new directions

I’m afraid of relationships yet want to be loved

I’m afraid of being left alone but yet love the solitude

I’m afraid of achieving yet push myself to accomplish my goals

I’m afraid of death yet have had suicidal thoughts in the past

How do we change what we fear into building a healthier future for ourselves? Acknowledging our fears, looking at ways we can improve our own health and wellbeing and reading between the lines. Every day is a new adventure, a new source of development, a new opportunity to inspire – turn your weaknesses into strengths.