What does missing an antidepressant do to your brain!?

If you have a chemical imbalance within your brain, missing one capsule can have a devastating effect on your health and your life.

I was subject to this. I was wallowing through life, replenishing my soul, afraid to dream of my shadows, afraid to break the eggshells I stepped upon until I spoke up. I spoke up because I had to. I spoke up to save my own life. I spoke up because my soul was fighting for survival. Because of my diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder people were horrible to me about my illness and that’s when I remembered Einstein’s quote; “The evil of the world isn’t those who do evil but those who look on without doing anything.”

I remembered my worth. I remembered that I had a soul. I remembered that I’d never lower myself to the level of those who hurt, betrayed or laughed at me during the difficult times. I fought a battle to explain how some conditions affect the brain except my voice wasn’t heard much. I suppose those in medical power sometimes feel like because they have control it makes them feel better to allow others to struggle. Ever heard of the Milgram experiment? Exactly. There’s very few people we can truthfully trust in this world and ourselves has to be the first because if we don’t look out for ourselves we will only be met with more stigma, more discrimination and an ancient society.

It’s time to make change. It’s time to make a difference. I’m living proof that mental health conditions do change the brain and I’m also living prove a borderline can have empathy. What do I owe to the world? My faith. My charisma. My skills. My passion. My love. Education, respect and dignity to all those who are dealing with their demons in the most extraordinary way.

Keep going because you are strong. We will end discrimination and your talents will shine through the cobwebs that plagued your soul. 💙

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Have you ever let a friend down because of your anxiety?

I have, and this has always given me tremendous guilt. Guilt because when my brain doesn’t want to co-operate and you’re worried about how you will seem.

You just want to apologise to your friend’s but they understand when you’re not well but slowly they begin to walk away from you like you’re a burden that just intensifies your pain and gives your brain that shudder it doesn’t want to feel.

A vibration and a gulp.

A cognitive distortion and overgeneralisation resulting in four factors.

Anxiety, sadness, helplessness and depression.

It’s always better to just go for any positive opportunity you can because you may surprise yourself at your abilities. You may get there and realise not everything is bad as it seems. Be in a safe environment where you can feel loved and cared for and can project your positive emotions on to others is always the way to go.

If only I could apologise to my friends. If only I could make up for the lost hours when I hid myself away. If only I could apologise to the opportunities in the past.

If only medical professionals accepted me for who I was. If only I could become successful when describing my pain to at least help someone out there.

I hear you, I know you’re struggling.

I feel you, I can feel your pain.

I see you, I can visualise your trauma.

♥️💌♥️

Reasons to stay alive by Matt Haig 💓

My experience with depression related illnesses is that it comes from the brain or the tiny centre of the nucleus accumbens…In September 2018 I experienced a whirring inside of my brain 🧠 like my head had literally been shoved in a washing machine and I couldn’t make out what was right or what was wrong anymore – the outside world seemed different, like I could see the world in a total different way. It was like a switch had flickered in my brain and my brain was just a whizz of electric current.

I’ve started to read this book called “Reasons to stay alive” by Matt Haig based upon his own experiences with depression and how he managed to get through it – it was a book I came across when I was suicidal. I thought no healthy mind understands the biological mechanisms of a mental health illness so I have to try my best to get myself through the worst although at this point I couldn’t read properly or concentrate but I could express information and knowledge I had no awareness of ever learning and started to create new fascinating ideas – this was when they said it was borderline personality disorder. I was convinced it was depression because I was so suicidal but because of my “positive” core personality traits rather than the way I was feeling or presenting at face value the depression side went unnoticed so I surrendered to what I believe would help me recover which was try my best at self-help worksheets.

This passage of the book struck a chord with me because I felt exactly the same and it’s comforting to listen to another’s story based upon similar experiences. I hope this lightens another’s soul too…

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Creative writing: The Innocent Boy

This is his story.

He walked towards the mirror and knealt down on the night of a full moon, it’s reflection mirrored in the glass. He stopped. His inner evaluative speech triggered his thoughts to reconcile the attachment developments he experienced as a child as he remembered all he had courageously fought through; the mirror having no idea of his hot cognition and the thoughts scraping within his frontal lobe, illogical but overwhelming in deep thinking and solitude.

His eyes were an ombré hazel with a white grey lining, luminous with a dark purple centre. His hair an eerie black, full and fine, flowing discreetly past is pale crimson forehead. His nose, a burnt shade of red, pressed against the pane creating a smear of condensated matter.

He peered more deeply.

It wasn’t a mirror or a glass – it was an icy pool of cold moods, his tears icicles of winter snow, his body a sculpture of stillness. It wasn’t a shop window he was peering into – it was a frozen lake. The lake. The lake of death as they call it. The lake that takes the minds of many suffering so quietly, so elegantly, the lake that has created blessings, the lake a pool of a thousand diamonds. Diamonds that couldn’t speak up about their feelings. Diamonds that so swiftly declined and deteriorated due to the pressures of living within a tormented mind with a soft soul. His soul a powerful reminder of his pressured self-esteem – his body so bare. 

Oh how someone would help him, but no one could be seen.

 

What side of the brain do you use?

 

What side of the brain do you use?

The interaction between both is a game of volleyball, a confusing element within its features, a comprehensive account of our genetics and memory processes…
Skills are what motivates us. Experience is what shapes us. Atoms. That’s all we are atoms.

 

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Is it time to rethink borderline personality disorder?

I thought I’d do a post after seeing a post on Facebook about a kind hearted young girl taking her own life because of borderline personality disorder caused by abuse.

I just want to point out the effects of borderline personality disorder and how it may impact on caregivers:

  • BPD are loving individuals
  • They are not dangerous
  • They are warm and caring
  • They isolate themselves when they feel too overwhelmed, they become angry when they are afraid
  • They experience extreme mood swings when faced with interpersonal trauma and/or distress
  • They think with their heart
  • Its one of the most commonly recognised personality disorders
  • During a crisis the sufferer loses control – as a result this can lead to suicide or intense emotional reactions to triggers that relate to the sufferers interpersonal traumas.
  • They have problems interacting with others and dissociate to mask their inner pain
  • They feel lost and abandoned the majority of the time
  • If intensely bullied/abused may experience delusions and hallucinations
  • Is often confused with Histrionic Personality Disorder, dissociative identity disorder, bipolar disorder, ptsd and narcissistic personality disorder.
  • It’s not a label, it’s neurological and affects the areas of the brain responsible for controlling mood
  • Creativity, drama therapy and music therapy helps with restoring the individual to a normal level of functioning
  • Can affect relationships and are at risk of further abuse
  • Are often criticised by the healthcare professions who don’t understand during a crisis the illness can take over the mind of even the most high functioning borderline
  • This needs to be removed from the personality disorders category because it’s the only personality disorder to have the highest suicide rates and personality disorders start before the age of four -bpd is the result of abuse.