Allow your soul to feel the warmth of the summer air as you close your eyes and imagine an exotic beach surrounded by fields of sunflowers and dandelions dancing in alignment with the velvet green grass.
Your soul feels passion, it feels delight, it is the symphony of the milk way, an inner warmth that only you can feel.
Really close your eyes. Imagine the blazing hot sun shimmering between the trees separating the path from the shadows, forests of soilders standing guard of engraved copper caves watching over the sea guiding the ships and its sailors.
Imagine a safe spot within the forest where you can let go of your thoughts, a feeling of self-control and self-comfort listening to the echoes of natures most glorious species.
A lighthouse with a light bearing a ninety degree view of the soft white sand.
Breathe in an out slowly but deeply for five minutes whilst imaging the beauty of the forest. The forest by the shore.
Depression is more than just a low mood, it’s more than a label, it’s more than laziness, it’s not someone’s personality.
Depression is the feeling of helplessness, the fighting to be optimistic, the steady humming in the frontal lobe, the sleep less nights accompanied by its neighbour; anxiety.
When does biological depression start? How does it start? What differentiates bipolar depression from bipolar depression? How do we judge others in moments they lose control, being passive aggressive fighting for help and and met with “Just get on with your life.”
Depression is an invisible sponge, a clouded perception coated in salt. Depression is the heart beating fast, the busyness of the world seeming either fast forward or in slow motion.
Depression is crying every night, depression is an abnormal function within the brain with neurons firing faster than the speed of light.
Depression is a source of pain one cannot describe unless experienced it in their darkest moments. It’s a brain illness; not an excuse.
No one would want to feel that way if they had a choice ♡
Marilyn Monroe, our historical icon, wore her curves with dignity, her smile with force and her clothes with style.
Monroe was abused as a child and grew up with mental health difficulties that lead her to take her own life so many years ago. In the age of social media it’s really important people are able to be open about their mental health difficulties to prevent farther suicides. .
It is happening all too frequently. Why are people ashamed of asking for help? Together we can create a marilyn project to save the lives of millions by doing five simple things. Understand, listen, research, accept, help.
Help each other and save a life.
My experience with depression related illnesses is that it comes from the brain or the tiny centre of the nucleus accumbens…In September 2018 I experienced a whirring inside of my brain 🧠 like my head had literally been shoved in a washing machine and I couldn’t make out what was right or what was wrong anymore – the outside world seemed different, like I could see the world in a total different way. It was like a switch had flickered in my brain and my brain was just a whizz of electric current.
I’ve started to read this book called “Reasons to stay alive” by Matt Haig based upon his own experiences with depression and how he managed to get through it – it was a book I came across when I was suicidal. I thought no healthy mind understands the biological mechanisms of a mental health illness so I have to try my best to get myself through the worst although at this point I couldn’t read properly or concentrate but I could express information and knowledge I had no awareness of ever learning and started to create new fascinating ideas – this was when they said it was borderline personality disorder. I was convinced it was depression because I was so suicidal but because of my “positive” core personality traits rather than the way I was feeling or presenting at face value the depression side went unnoticed so I surrendered to what I believe would help me recover which was try my best at self-help worksheets.
This passage of the book struck a chord with me because I felt exactly the same and it’s comforting to listen to another’s story based upon similar experiences. I hope this lightens another’s soul too…
My symptoms have calmed down a lot since being on the sertraline and limiting contact with the negative people who hurt me in my past. I’m doing what’s necessary for my health as not many people understand the way our experiences can consume us. I managed to get my negative symptoms under control through drama therapy and creative therapies. The traumatic rememinders were new and I think both of them together created a morph of delusion – someone that wasn’t me. I often think why on earth would adults intend to bring me down. Doctors even said to me “You had your own place right?” Yes because I was homeless years ago. That’s insignificant. It’s in the past. I was made homeless because I had nowhere to go and no support network but why would I intend to hurt another human being? I wouldn’t. I get afraid in relationships – afraid of being hurt. I witnessed long term abuse as a child and I grew up wanting to help others so chose the psychology degree and paid £200 for a mind course at the head quarters in London in 2018 to exercise my skills and awareness on mental health. It wasn’t until I made a silly mistake and fall poorly with a new mental health issue that I realised something was wrong. I fall still and breakdown just like any other human being… although the Sertraline is fabulous for me at the moment.
Hey, we are all on a journey. Life is hard for us all in some way or another. Except I have no one. But it’s peaceful. I suppose I like the way wind blows when you’re in isolation and the way the rain falls on my window pane. I suppose I feel comfortable knowing I’ve always got me and always got my back. Some people call it loneliness I call it safety and solitude 💗
Have you ever looked around you and people all stable and laughing, the walls closing in on you, the hallways swallowing your mind whole, like you’re pushing yourself through quicksand, like your brain is slow and grounded, like you have no control over your anger? In the lowest moments do you sit there and listen to the vibrations of the brain looking at the world in a different way, like the sand meets the shore of the strongest tide, a mind that never stops. A mind that never stops writing, a mind that never stops thinking, a mind that is positive but a brain as a competitor fighting for survival – the soul telling you to stay strong and have hope, the world around you getting tired of listening to your inner pain, the world around you believing you don’t appreciate what you have except you do but it’s not you that’s ill. It’s your brain. Except you know this. After many failures you’re aware of this but you stay strong, you keep at your goals and aspirations because it gives you hope and you give hope to others experiencing the same things. You pace, you sit and wonder, wonder what went wrong, wonder why your ears hear differently, your eyes see the world in a different way. You just wonder. Wonder why the stable mind can’t understand how you feel because they haven’t been there. They haven’t been where you are. It’s okay not to be okay. You may not be perfect, you may not have made good decisions in the past but your brain has a power. A power beyond your wildest thoughts. It’s a brain with passion, a brain with emphasis, a brain that has a better insight of reality.
I’m strong in myself. I tell myself that everyday. In between working through my self help books I’m writing blogs, creating new poems, new writing, new ideas, healing myself emotionally by letting the emotions out and not being afraid to shadow them to the outside world through writing. I’m not afraid to be alone. It’s peaceful. I’m comfortable with releasing my emotions healthily. I’m grateful I’m building myself a path. I’m grateful that the experiences I have endured has given me more of a reason to survive and to make something better of myself. I’m grateful for that because without the awareness I wouldn’t have the hope I do now. You may feel damaged at this point in time but this is an in the moment concept. It’s not real. It’s a delusion. This is just a false memory. This is just your brain coming to terms with recent events. This is just your brain processing experiences converging with the memory consolidation process. This is just your brain’s negative automatic thoughts that doesn’t have any association with your heart and personality. This is just your brain. The world is becoming clearer and clearer. Be comfortable. 💗