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The thinking of the borderline.

Hours upon hours you daydream in to space; clusters of stars in your vision and anxiety in your core.

Then Silence. Then anticipation. Then sleep. 

You wake up in pain, afraid of what will happen next, feeling guilt about your mistakes, waiting for the next person to abandon you or pick on you.

And then it happens. 

You begin to feel worthless. That somebody you exposed your raw emotions to walked out on you. The colleague from work you trusted despises you. You start putting yourself down wondering if you’ll ever be good enough. Wondering if you’ll ever be the ideal image for someone else.

Ironic isn’t it? The “ideal self”; what is ideal anyway? You use projection as a survival tool which others find so paralyzing to understand because your pain is magnified to an intensity and projected in the outside environment as well as within the cobwebs of your synapses.

It’s important to know that borderlines don’t have an “Ideal Image”. They split and struggle to find a singular identities. Notice how I say identities?

Because the borderline is constantly shifting between their goals and aspirations. They’re psychotic symptoms during periods of extreme stress are mocked by the very people who are supposed to help them. How are they supposed to accept their emotions and moods need treating if you mock them for feeling a certain way because a borderline unintentionally gets angry and enters a crisis where they become detached from reality consumed in their very thoughts that tore them down to begin with.

A pillow soaked in tears and a disappearing friends list;

A feeling of self-blame and then suddenly outwardly blaming others believing that people are plotting to hurt them … and then someone does hurt them. They say horrible things. The borderline becomes self-reflected, alienated and lonely. A loss within oneself. Remembering traumatic memories. The brain vibrating at different levels of mood whilst your body floats in despairing emotions.

This is the borderline pain.

 

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The Onlookers (Poem)

The ridicule from the onlookers

Towards those with a damaged mind

Reflecting the evil and exposing the suppression

Conformity of the closing blinds

 

What is it they’re asking?

What is it they’re mocking?

Something they don’t personally understand

But lingers in their twilight shadow

 

Crowds of laughter but tears full of pain

When they become those they laughed at

Their hearts will fill with shame

 

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The Low Mood

From the naked eye you see a smile

A delightful smile of a woman who has everything

What you don’t see are the bricks within the decorated walls

The bricks that weigh down her emotions

The bricks that fall on her heavy as she sleeps

You can’t see the bricks she holds within herself

So you judge, you assume, you scoff

It doesn’t hurt to be a little kind

For a mental health illness is heavy

Not a personal failure or a mistake

Mental health isn’t a means for ridicule

Mental health should be a means for recovery

 

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Forest Imagery

Allow your soul to feel the warmth of the summer air as you close your eyes and imagine an exotic beach surrounded by fields of sunflowers and dandelions dancing in alignment with the velvet green grass.

Your soul feels passion, it feels delight, it is the symphony of the milk way, an inner warmth that only you can feel.

Really close your eyes. Imagine the blazing hot sun shimmering between the trees separating the path from the shadows, forests of soilders standing guard of engraved copper caves watching over the sea guiding the ships and its sailors.

Imagine a safe spot within the forest where you can let go of your thoughts, a feeling of self-control and self-comfort listening to the echoes of natures most glorious species.

A lighthouse with a light bearing a ninety degree view of the soft white sand.

Breathe in an out slowly but deeply for five minutes whilst imaging the beauty of the forest. The forest by the shore.

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Symbols & Indoctrinations

One way to separate an individual from a mental health label is to ask them their values. 

Values are what separates each individual retrospectively. For example, one person may choose to live in a busy city to work for a top technology firm because they enjoy communication and applying their skills to the general population whereas another person may choose to live in a quiet area surrounded by natural sources such as caves, rivers and twinkling streams.

We all have collective personalities and memories different from another except with the same concept of referring to a memory. These concepts are generated symbols designed by our unconscious to describe our perception and outlook.

The advertising we see are unconscious influencers to our desired wants rather than needs which leaves humans wanting more than what they have hence the rising mental health rates in the western world. Simply, they are symbols. Everything you see is a symbol or a pattern of past events which may be political, scientific, spiritual, genetic- you name it. Everything we see is made up of the five senses and these senses create an improvised network to deliver a message to a sample of a population. Popularity comes from advancements aimed to influence the majority of the population to create a norm, like an establishment of power.

Each symbol will have a different meaning to its peers except when mental health labels are given to us within society yet once people hear someone they know has a mental health condition that isn’t visually observant they begin to analyse and interpret the meaning of that label as an overgeneralised symbol which doesn’t help with separating the individual from the mental health condition. I mean really think about it. People cause the most suffering. Political views have created wars  we’ve evolved and used money to give humans a class status, we have first class and standard class on trains and VIP nightclub venues which makes some people feel worthless and unimportant and doesn’t support equality in the slightest.

We can only craft our own meaning of ourselves and set our own boundaries because if we don’t we allow others to do that for us.

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The Isolated Borderline

To the partners of the sufferer. I know how hard you try to help your loved one. I know how hard you try and make communication.

The days your loved one curls up in bed not ready to face the day whilst you put food on the table, the rapid mood swings with such emotional intensity that the sufferer feels devalued because they don’t want to feel that way.

They appreciate you. They love you millions. Even if they don’t show it. They are battling their inner demons crying out for help believing things would get better.

They switch goals easily, they’re depressed, they’re irritable but their social media profiles are full of selfies & posts of self-reflection. They’re expressing their pain so creatively.

The borderline doesn’t want to hurt you. They want to feel safe. They want to feel secure. They want to be able to live a happy life although their positive emotions don’t always reflect their inner mood.

The borderline senses danger. Their minds are in constant flight and fight response because their memories have been moulded to fit in with their most painful experiences. Those who have felt the most pain always know how to love because they know what the opposite is.

Opposites attract. Love releases a chemical called oxytocin within the same brain region that affects the borderline.

Trust me when I say this but she loves you.

She loves you with her heart although she let’s go or tries to keep you when she senses a threat. A threat that you will walk away and find someone else but she passionately tries to avoid to cry herself to the point of self-destruction.

Don’t intend to hurt her because the symptoms will magnify.

Love her as you would yourself; (both men & women)

Break down the stigma. He/she is brave. She has a talent. Help her find it ♡

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Early Sunrise 🌅

The sea blue light of the early hour

Awakens the nests within the trees

A slight breeze and a heavy yawn

The transition from dusk to dawn

Hold the hour at which you wake

Appreciate the day that lies before you

Tomorrow isn’t here yet

We only have today

Today to make change

Today to help one another

Today to start fresh

The sun and the moon rise through storm and hail

At the same speed and the same rotation

You’ll never see our biggest shared assets fall

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The protagonist

I speak with thunder

I speak with thought

I lost who I was

Distressed and distraught

I expressed my story

I untangled my woes

Will my story end with a cliffhanger?

The question is Who Know’s?

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Shakespeare wrote about narcissm 🎭

I was analysing some brilliant works composed by Shakespeare and realised that in one of his plays, Macbeth, Macbeth had murdered three people that affected Lady Macbeth and deteriorated her mental health. Her mental health rapidly declined.

This was going back when social media, photographs and television sets weren’t invented yet. Shakespeare wrote about narcissm and the affects of mental health in his own unique language from his own perspective. What happened to Shakespeare’s lost play? What did he experience in his life for him to write? All this is highly interesting in looking at the evolution of psychological behaviours. This is a pure example of how we can combine science with creativity and converge these sectors together.

Narcissists have no issue with death or killing others for personal gain, sense of control or power. If anyone protests against a real narcissist there will be social war and extreme velocity. They can remain calm and stable because their emotions are tucked away in the iceberg of their traumatic history. They are charming at face value and can use language to manipulate their victims into giving in to their demands.

Normal people don’t believe such psychopathy exists because they blend in. That’s the true meaning of narcissm.

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Who are you?

The glistening waters of the strongest tide

Meeting with the sand on the softest shores

A boat in the distance swaying to the right

A surface of ripple of moonlight delight

An echo amongst the waves

A whisper in the distance

Rows of isolated caves

Who are you in this instance?

 

 

 

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How do ‘biases’ affect the general population?

Biases are contradictive. Biases are incorrect. Biases are forms of opinionated judgement.

We all haven’t experienced the same experiences except we can conform to the same idea based on another’s intuitive judgement. Status is mostly responsible for this.

We will unintentionally use the availability heuristic to make judgements about people even when not represented with the facts. This is where we need to be careful…

This is where mistakes can arise. This is where integrity can be abandoned and common sense he misjudged.

We must all learn how to make our own judgements and decisions to determine what is right and what is wrong. I find that many people will conform to a professional’s idea or way of thinking even when a person in question is innocent.

Here’s a scenario…

A woman and a man arrange to meet for a coffee. The man admits he would like a divorce and wanted someone to talk to. The man has no intentions but his wife’s friend walks past the coffee shop.

Would you assume this man wants anything else from this woman other than a conversation?

What political or psychological factors do you think are involved in the scenario?

What do you assume?

That is how quickly our judgements can affect our moods and emotions.

 

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The difference between ‘thinking’ and mental health conditions

So we’ve all heard the saying – ‘If you can change your thoughts you can change your life.’

Yes this is true…

 

But…

 

Mental health conditions can affect an individual neurologically, physically and mentally that can have a substantial impact on everyday life. Some mental health conditions require medication to keep the brain functioning properly.

We can all change our thoughts through cognitive behavioural therapy or positive thinking programmes… but when does mental health require medication?

Has there ever been a time when you wasn’t yourself? Have you ever felt your brain vibrating? Have you ever experienced personality changes and attacks? Have you ever isolated yourself because of excessive mood swings you couldn’t work out why it wouldn’t stop just by thinking about it? This is more than likely a biological mental health condition.

These types of conditions require medication.

 

What I tend to find in the present day mental health profession is if an individual has been neglected throughout their life then they are seen as unable to improve their present situation and the past experiences used against them when this isn’t the case because ANYONE can improve themselves and their lives. It takes the right amount of understanding, the right amount of support and the appropriate treatment.

Yes I believe in chemical imbalances because I’ve experienced it. It’s time to end mental health discrimination and change the future for generations to come.