What does missing an antidepressant do to your brain!?

If you have a chemical imbalance within your brain, missing one capsule can have a devastating effect on your health and your life.

I was subject to this. I was wallowing through life, replenishing my soul, afraid to dream of my shadows, afraid to break the eggshells I stepped upon until I spoke up. I spoke up because I had to. I spoke up to save my own life. I spoke up because my soul was fighting for survival. Because of my diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder people were horrible to me about my illness and that’s when I remembered Einstein’s quote; “The evil of the world isn’t those who do evil but those who look on without doing anything.”

I remembered my worth. I remembered that I had a soul. I remembered that I’d never lower myself to the level of those who hurt, betrayed or laughed at me during the difficult times. I fought a battle to explain how some conditions affect the brain except my voice wasn’t heard much. I suppose those in medical power sometimes feel like because they have control it makes them feel better to allow others to struggle. Ever heard of the Milgram experiment? Exactly. There’s very few people we can truthfully trust in this world and ourselves has to be the first because if we don’t look out for ourselves we will only be met with more stigma, more discrimination and an ancient society.

It’s time to make change. It’s time to make a difference. I’m living proof that mental health conditions do change the brain and I’m also living prove a borderline can have empathy. What do I owe to the world? My faith. My charisma. My skills. My passion. My love. Education, respect and dignity to all those who are dealing with their demons in the most extraordinary way.

Keep going because you are strong. We will end discrimination and your talents will shine through the cobwebs that plagued your soul. 💙

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Till death do us part

A tree never forgets it’s roots right? Well nethier do people. 

Observation is a gift. It’s a resemblance of being open-minded. I’m not one of those people who says “Get over yourself” or “You’re just being silly” if someone opens up to me about a problem. I’m the type of person who understands real world situations and what I found extremely interesting about my ability of situational judgement is I could look at the whole picture rather than fragmented parts of others. I look ahead. I look into their soul. A true born empath with the power to make change. The power to make awareness to stop abuse. I’m not a perfect person at all. I have reacted out of fear but never intentionally. Real world abuse is consistent and forms a pattern of behaviour consistent in all settings.

Depression gives a broad view of reality. You notice the counterparts of others negative energy, you notice when the tide creeps in amongst the clay modelled sand and then you strategically build a sandcastle from an element of gratitude, a passion for greatness and the willpower to achieve.

I’m self-reflective. I understand sociology. I understand that life isn’t simple. I understand about suicide because I’ve attempted before and survived. Am I ashamed of being unwell in the past? No because I wouldn’t want another soul feeling the way I did. When I look back and think at the people who laughed at me, criticised me, made me feel powerless amongst their peers, made assumptions, used heuristics and biases to separate me from my passions in life I realised I allowed them to do that because I was unwell at the time.

Its like a game of chess. Some people use iterative reasoning to feel comfortable in their lives and some people (toxic people) use strategic interaction to bring down their opponent. Sometimes you have to take a step back to get to the checkmate.

Have you ever let a friend down because of your anxiety?

I have, and this has always given me tremendous guilt. Guilt because when my brain doesn’t want to co-operate and you’re worried about how you will seem.

You just want to apologise to your friend’s but they understand when you’re not well but slowly they begin to walk away from you like you’re a burden that just intensifies your pain and gives your brain that shudder it doesn’t want to feel.

A vibration and a gulp.

A cognitive distortion and overgeneralisation resulting in four factors.

Anxiety, sadness, helplessness and depression.

It’s always better to just go for any positive opportunity you can because you may surprise yourself at your abilities. You may get there and realise not everything is bad as it seems. Be in a safe environment where you can feel loved and cared for and can project your positive emotions on to others is always the way to go.

If only I could apologise to my friends. If only I could make up for the lost hours when I hid myself away. If only I could apologise to the opportunities in the past.

If only medical professionals accepted me for who I was. If only I could become successful when describing my pain to at least help someone out there.

I hear you, I know you’re struggling.

I feel you, I can feel your pain.

I see you, I can visualise your trauma.

♥️💌♥️

Early Sunrise 🌅

The sea blue light of the early hour

Awakens the nests within the trees

A slight breeze and a heavy yawn

The transition from dusk to dawn

Hold the hour at which you wake

Appreciate the day that lies before you

Tomorrow isn’t here yet

We only have today

Today to make change

Today to help one another

Today to start fresh

The sun and the moon rise through storm and hail

At the same speed and the same rotation

You’ll never see our biggest shared assets fall

Another day gone

I write this as I’m ready to take the next journey in my life. I don’t want to be accepted. I just want a life.

When I say ‘life’ – I’m all alone. I feel lonely, I feel like everyone around me are having children and I’m just growing through life focusing on positive objectives and occupations that suit my creative abilities except some people look at the borderline personality disorder label and automatically think…well that’s her personality. When it isn’t.

I’ve made so many mistakes in my past that I never intended to do. But I’ve really pulled myself together and on the day I was going to apologise to my previous general practitioner as felt stable – he rejected my appointment because I felt low because of my borderline personality disorder when I was going to enquire about my physical health. Of course he had been supportive in the past but that all changed and we can’t make others understand but in a way I feel really abandoned by the healthcare providers when they do that as it makes me feel like my illness is ‘me’ and not something that needs to be treated.

There’s so much discrimination with borderline personality disorder that it scares me. It scares me because I haven’t got a criminal record; I’ve never intentionally hurt anyone and I’ve always picked myself up after a fall. Is that a bad thing?

Sometimes we wish adults can be adults and understand us. I’m great working with children as have many creative ideas but the fact is the label doesn’t give the illness much justice. It just gives others the opportunity to put you down before knowing who you really are and that’s what needs to change 💌

Value your emotions because they’re valid

Emotions are gifts. They allow us to feel, they allow us to construct, they allow us to create.

Is this a bad thing? No. Modern society sees normal emotions as a burden to the stability that is trying to be created through sociology development.

We are transforming people into robots to care only about themselves without acknowledging that emotions are extremely valid and real. Technology is amazing if used in the right manner.

People can judge you based on a negative emotion you have without identifying the cause behind the negative emotion.

For example. Let’s say you were bullied in your occupation for a health condition and this lowered your self-esteem and impacted on your ability to perform a task. You then react angrily and that’s regarded as the ‘person’ you are.

Would you allow this judgement to effect and control your life? Or would you dust yourself off and remember your worth?

The choice is yours. Remember being human is a gift. We all have different appearances, skills, ambitions – imagine how amazing the world would be if we used that to our advantage.

Replace the negative with the positive. Watch yourself transform into the best version of yourself.

Never give up.

Self-reflection and creative ideas

Many people ask me where my creative ideas come from. They come from my experience, the come from the fireworks of chemicals zapping through my fragile mind.

Am I ashamed of this? No. Why should I be?

Its not about what is wrong with us, it’s about how we can improve our own mental health and wellbeing without affecting those around us. We all can’t have the same opinions. It’s like when people judge your past and assume you would grow up to be a negative individual searching for more pain to add to your life that you’ve already experienced.

This isn’t true. If it was – nearly everyone would have broken down and lost themselves completely by now. Sometimes we don’t even realise our strengths until we are thrust in the darkness, neglected, having that ambition for a better and prosperous life.

Keep going. Because it will happen.