Take away the shame of the stigma… Here’s my story of how I defeated my depressive symptoms…
In September 2018 my brain changed. I knew something was wrong but I couldn’t fathom what and would think about everything I’ve learnt and compare my symptoms to my prior knowledge.
Over the years I’ve had CBT, counselling, attended Mind and even an acting group to help my symptoms but nothing was taking away the days and the nights I would cry myself to sleep.
I had positive opportunities going for me but my brain just was a blur of confusion – like a sponge soaked in past instability and traumas.
At the age of 20 others started to notice I was depressed and I was put on fluoxetine which worked for me and I managed to get to a good level of stability. In 2015/2016 this no longer worked for me and I couldn’t understand why.
I was reluctant to try anything else as had a bad reaction to the fluoxetine when attempted to try it again and was diagnosed with seretonin activation syndrome in August 2018.
A few weeks before my brain changed I was sleeping a lot more than usual and I honestly thought the depression would never ease.
Well it has. It has intensively.
No I’m not ashamed that I was unwell, I’m ashamed of how my mental health condition affected me at the time but you know what… Sertraline is working for me after six weeks and I couldn’t be more grateful… there IS a treatment for depression.
That’s when I realised the biological aspects of mental health were not understood. But one day they will be so others can get the help they need.
Sometimes we have to stand up to what we believe in. So if you see me being positive thank Science 🧪 🙌
My symptoms have calmed down a lot since being on the sertraline and limiting contact with the negative people who hurt me in my past. I’m doing what’s necessary for my health as not many people understand the way our experiences can consume us. I managed to get my negative symptoms under control through drama therapy and creative therapies. The traumatic rememinders were new and I think both of them together created a morph of delusion – someone that wasn’t me. I often think why on earth would adults intend to bring me down. Doctors even said to me “You had your own place right?” Yes because I was homeless years ago. That’s insignificant. It’s in the past. I was made homeless because I had nowhere to go and no support network but why would I intend to hurt another human being? I wouldn’t. I get afraid in relationships – afraid of being hurt. I witnessed long term abuse as a child and I grew up wanting to help others so chose the psychology degree and paid £200 for a mind course at the head quarters in London in 2018 to exercise my skills and awareness on mental health. It wasn’t until I made a silly mistake and fall poorly with a new mental health issue that I realised something was wrong. I fall still and breakdown just like any other human being… although the Sertraline is fabulous for me at the moment.
Hey, we are all on a journey. Life is hard for us all in some way or another. Except I have no one. But it’s peaceful. I suppose I like the way wind blows when you’re in isolation and the way the rain falls on my window pane. I suppose I feel comfortable knowing I’ve always got me and always got my back. Some people call it loneliness I call it safety and solitude 💗
Trauma – many of us have gone through a lot in our lives but when do our traumas consume us? When they have a significant impact on our day to day functioning.
Triggers can be anywhere. A survivor of trauma can develop coping mechanisms when their brains go into overdrive during the fight/flight response and appear angry but not be an angry person.
Triggers can be environments, sights, smells, or people resembling the trauma you experienced. The reason why perpetrators get away with it is because of the victims defence mechanisms – sometimes you can get nightmares, missing words out in texts, intense distressing feelings and rely heavily on prescription medication.
In complex PTSD the survivor normally has preoccupation with the abuser for a period of time when trying to process their interpersonal trauma within the memory consolidation process.
Be kind, these people require support – you never know what someone has been through until you walk in their shoes.
What side of the brain do you use?
The interaction between both is a game of volleyball, a confusing element within its features, a comprehensive account of our genetics and memory processes…
Skills are what motivates us. Experience is what shapes us. Atoms. That’s all we are atoms.
I thought I’d do a post after seeing a post on Facebook about a kind hearted young girl taking her own life because of borderline personality disorder caused by abuse.
I just want to point out the effects of borderline personality disorder and how it may impact on caregivers:
- BPD are loving individuals
- They are not dangerous
- They are warm and caring
- They isolate themselves when they feel too overwhelmed, they become angry when they are afraid
- They experience extreme mood swings when faced with interpersonal trauma and/or distress
- They think with their heart
- Its one of the most commonly recognised personality disorders
- During a crisis the sufferer loses control – as a result this can lead to suicide or intense emotional reactions to triggers that relate to the sufferers interpersonal traumas.
- They have problems interacting with others and dissociate to mask their inner pain
- They feel lost and abandoned the majority of the time
- If intensely bullied/abused may experience delusions and hallucinations
- Is often confused with Histrionic Personality Disorder, dissociative identity disorder, bipolar disorder, ptsd and narcissistic personality disorder.
- It’s not a label, it’s neurological and affects the areas of the brain responsible for controlling mood
- Creativity, drama therapy and music therapy helps with restoring the individual to a normal level of functioning
- Can affect relationships and are at risk of further abuse
- Are often criticised by the healthcare professions who don’t understand during a crisis the illness can take over the mind of even the most high functioning borderline
- This needs to be removed from the personality disorders category because it’s the only personality disorder to have the highest suicide rates and personality disorders start before the age of four -bpd is the result of abuse.