A month on sertraline

My symptoms have calmed down a lot since being on the sertraline and limiting contact with the negative people who hurt me in my past. I’m doing what’s necessary for my health as not many people understand the way our experiences can consume us. I managed to get my negative symptoms under control through drama therapy and creative therapies. The traumatic rememinders were new and I think both of them together created a morph of delusion – someone that wasn’t me. I often think why on earth would adults intend to bring me down. Doctors even said to me “You had your own place right?” Yes because I was homeless years ago. That’s insignificant. It’s in the past. I was made homeless because I had nowhere to go and no support network but why would I intend to hurt another human being? I wouldn’t. I get afraid in relationships – afraid of being hurt. I witnessed long term abuse as a child and I grew up wanting to help others so chose the psychology degree and paid £200 for a mind course at the head quarters in London in 2018 to exercise my skills and awareness on mental health. It wasn’t until I made a silly mistake and fall poorly with a new mental health issue that I realised something was wrong. I fall still and breakdown just like any other human being… although the Sertraline is fabulous for me at the moment.

Hey, we are all on a journey. Life is hard for us all in some way or another. Except I have no one. But it’s peaceful. I suppose I like the way wind blows when you’re in isolation and the way the rain falls on my window pane. I suppose I feel comfortable knowing I’ve always got me and always got my back. Some people call it loneliness I call it safety and solitude 💗

 

Advertisements

What side of the brain do you use?

 

What side of the brain do you use?

The interaction between both is a game of volleyball, a confusing element within its features, a comprehensive account of our genetics and memory processes…
Skills are what motivates us. Experience is what shapes us. Atoms. That’s all we are atoms.

 

E8A1028D-8587-4328-837D-7AB876E68FE9

Is it time to rethink borderline personality disorder?

I thought I’d do a post after seeing a post on Facebook about a kind hearted young girl taking her own life because of borderline personality disorder caused by abuse.

I just want to point out the effects of borderline personality disorder and how it may impact on caregivers:

  • BPD are loving individuals
  • They are not dangerous
  • They are warm and caring
  • They isolate themselves when they feel too overwhelmed, they become angry when they are afraid
  • They experience extreme mood swings when faced with interpersonal trauma and/or distress
  • They think with their heart
  • Its one of the most commonly recognised personality disorders
  • During a crisis the sufferer loses control – as a result this can lead to suicide or intense emotional reactions to triggers that relate to the sufferers interpersonal traumas.
  • They have problems interacting with others and dissociate to mask their inner pain
  • They feel lost and abandoned the majority of the time
  • If intensely bullied/abused may experience delusions and hallucinations
  • Is often confused with Histrionic Personality Disorder, dissociative identity disorder, bipolar disorder, ptsd and narcissistic personality disorder.
  • It’s not a label, it’s neurological and affects the areas of the brain responsible for controlling mood
  • Creativity, drama therapy and music therapy helps with restoring the individual to a normal level of functioning
  • Can affect relationships and are at risk of further abuse
  • Are often criticised by the healthcare professions who don’t understand during a crisis the illness can take over the mind of even the most high functioning borderline
  • This needs to be removed from the personality disorders category because it’s the only personality disorder to have the highest suicide rates and personality disorders start before the age of four -bpd is the result of abuse.

 

Living with Borderline Personality Disorder 💕

It’s a biological illness that affects the brain. You struggle with black and white thinking. You struggle to find any grey area in your life. You love with intensity but the problem with borderline personality disorder is when you think and you think and you think you can say things that come across as manipulative even when there’s no intentions to. True manipulation is subtle. True manipulation is not visibly observant by the public eye. You become foolish in your behaviour, overgeneralise your inner anger. Anger derives from wanting to project what you feel is right but in borderline personality disorder you need to look at ways you can see the grey area in between the emotions, see the grey area in our lives. You become so distrustful and avoidant of people because of previous experiences you begin to create, create in isolation. Creative work gives others a sense of fulfilment, a release, a sense of compassion. There needs to be new treatments for borderline personality disorder. Most borderlines are writers, actors, musicians and have learned narcissistic traits because they’re battling with the memories that shaped them. They write about the way they feel because it’s the brain’s way of processing earlier experiences. It’s the brain’s way of communicating inner distress and pain. It’s treatable but not curable and depending on individual circumstances can intensify unexpectedly. They are fragile but strong. They are loving but afraid. They struggle with opposites that masks the grey area in between 💗📝

Emotions equal strength 💕 A creative piece.

I’m strong in myself. I tell myself that everyday. In between working through my self help books I’m writing blogs, creating new poems, new writing, new ideas, healing myself emotionally by letting the emotions out and not being afraid to shadow them to the outside world through writing. I’m not afraid to be alone. It’s peaceful. I’m comfortable with releasing my emotions healthily. I’m grateful I’m building myself a path. I’m grateful that the experiences I have endured has given me more of a reason to survive and to make something better of myself. I’m grateful for that because without the awareness I wouldn’t have the hope I do now. You may feel damaged at this point in time but this is an in the moment concept. It’s not real. It’s a delusion. This is just a false memory. This is just your brain coming to terms with recent events. This is just your brain processing experiences converging with the memory consolidation process. This is just your brain’s negative automatic thoughts that doesn’t have any association with your heart and personality. This is just your brain. The world is becoming clearer and clearer. Be comfortable.  💗