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What is altruism and does it exist?

Altruism is doing good for others without expecting anything in return. Only 1% of the population is altruistic statistically. This is why so many altruistic people are criticised for their warmth, their openness, their values and their heartfelt emotions. It’s not a weakness it’s a sign of strength.

I want to do voluntary work for others no matter how hard life has knocked me down, or how many people have left me alone, or whatever I’ve lost in my life. I still have hope in my heart. A hope for a better future. An end of mental health stigma. An end to the suffering. But I’m pro-development. Pro-efficient. I’m capable 💙

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The council estate I once called home 🏠

A flashback to the past, a remberance of what formed my personality as a child, a detailed account of my imperfect indifference.

I grew up on a council estate in London. I was my mother’s first child – she was only 16 when I was born except she realised I was advanced in my development. I could read at the age of three, I had difficulties with social interaction and comprehension and would often daydream to the point nursery teachers assumed I had epilepsy. This came back clear. This was when I knew I was a borderline. I didn’t have any intense anger growing up – I was more paranoid of others hidden motives. I would be avoidant and apprehensive and constantly be hyper vigilant for any dangers or threats. Mental health say mental health conditions can’t affect toddlers – the reality is yes they can. I decided to choose education and writing as my strength. I loved writing, drama, history and would often write poems or listen to music to help me cope with what life threw at me. I was often comfortable with only a few friends that understood me and I could come across as selfish when I wanted to be isolated but that was just me. I loved the outdoors and my local playscheme and my Pokemon cards: I remember my neighbours, I remember the perfect moments of living in Edgware and what I miss about the estate is it has been knocked down and reconstructed – effortlessly mordernised to fit in with updated society norms: how times have changed, how beautiful the new architecture is but at a new costly price.

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The Beauty Of The Borderline

When we think of the word “personality” disorder we automatically assign an individual to the description or the theoretical meaning of what is written about the condition rather than look at ways of separating the person from the mental health condition.

Borderline Personality Disorder is a mood disorder and can be treated with a mood stabiliser (except never ask a psychiatrist or psychologist for one) they’ll criticise the condition before even knowing a person which is why the mental health crisis is becoming more prevalent in the western world. It’s a neurological brain condition that can be treated although the lack of funding and research means that people have to suffer unnecessarily without their voice being heard. I assumed that professionals would want to understand the person although in some cases this wasn’t the case. I was met with “Just get on with your life.” Why allow someone to deteriorate your condition. Yes I accept their views. Except they haven’t experienced the same experiences I have. They were lecturing me on empathy and compassion like it is wrong to think with your heart. I like thinking with my heart. Except yes in professional occupations I use my head.

I realised that it wasn’t a personality disorder. It borderlines between PTSD and Bipolar affective disorder when I experienced the worst effects of it I ever had. I was constantly paranoid, looking over my every shoulder, expressing my traumas, expressing my weaknesses, asking for a mood stabiliser before commencement of group therapy and CBT but I couldn’t get a mood stabiliser although medical professionals asked me to be persistent I knew that the stigma attached to borderline personality disorder meant my voice wouldn’t be heard. I knew because they were being contradictive in their views about me. I knew because I lost control but I’m using the experience and building upon the new. I have to accept that not everyone has the same views or opinions on a mental health condition and majority influence is a sociological factor that separates others from getting the mental health support they need so sometimes we can only do what’s best for ourselves and encourage our own developments as well as inspiring others because if we don’t the world will take from us the love we’ve always given out.

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What is dissociation? What does it mean to dissociate?

Dissociation means to disconnect from one’s reality to survive further interpersonal trauma. It means to disconnect from our physical and emotional experience. It is the art of those who have experienced trauma. It’s a spaced out motion encapsulating our deepest negative memories and fears – we access our episodic memory in detail. It is a survival mechanism – our mind and body’s way of saying we have too much stress in our lives. Depersonalisation often coincides with dissociation as we lose control of our behaviour as we try and consolidate our negative experiences. Whether we are aware of it or not our minds as a borderline personality are constantly trying to find the balance to get back to a normal level of functioning and back to the here and now. We value ourselves as who we are in our hearts 💙📝