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The Low Mood

From the naked eye you see a smile

A delightful smile of a woman who has everything

What you don’t see are the bricks within the decorated walls

The bricks that weigh down her emotions

The bricks that fall on her heavy as she sleeps

You can’t see the bricks she holds within herself

So you judge, you assume, you scoff

It doesn’t hurt to be a little kind

For a mental health illness is heavy

Not a personal failure or a mistake

Mental health isn’t a means for ridicule

Mental health should be a means for recovery

 

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Does it matter what others think about us?

As a borderline I often worry about what others think of me. How they see my image. How they see me as me. Are they able to see my struggles although more often than not I’m met with – you look fine. You’re okay.

You tend to look deeper at your inner self at this point and overanalyse and overthink pushing yourself into oblivion, pushing yourself into the face of adversity looking at your flaws and giving them a label like your diagnosis which isn’t really healthy.

I suppose living with borderline personality disorder is a bit like watching a movie. You cry, you laugh, you’re just like others but with this big passionate personality bursting out in the environment. It’s like our brains are programmed to be too empathetic that gives us the feeling of isolation, that gives us the feeling we must be more adult with our emotions.

Honestly though. Do you think the cave men said right, that person’s got a mental health problem we don’t want them. No. Maybe some yes but overall no. The only priority back then was good, safety and water. Additionally, which I must say… we still adopt the same behaviours and have the same views to teach us how to respond to the environment. Our reptile brains still exist and technology is advancing faster than our brains can cope with. Technology is a beautiful source but it’s still used inappropriately, to judge, to bully, to allow ourselves to misguide ourselves through endless thoughts because there’s always a comparison. Always a sense of fear or threat because people can write their opinions on a platform which is largely based on opinion than fact.

 

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Early Sunrise 🌅

The sea blue light of the early hour

Awakens the nests within the trees

A slight breeze and a heavy yawn

The transition from dusk to dawn

Hold the hour at which you wake

Appreciate the day that lies before you

Tomorrow isn’t here yet

We only have today

Today to make change

Today to help one another

Today to start fresh

The sun and the moon rise through storm and hail

At the same speed and the same rotation

You’ll never see our biggest shared assets fall

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Your anxiety breathes

Anxiety, Anxiety, Anxiety.

How it gives the false illusion you are drowning in your past experiences, drowning in the foundations of what shaped you, playing cricket with the chemicals within your brain – seemingly excusing yourself from all social activities making yourself appear socially enept but  sociable through writing. Writing gives you reassurance. It gives you a creative spark. It is the hope that will set you free from the demons on earth. The demons are silent.

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The protagonist

I speak with thunder

I speak with thought

I lost who I was

Distressed and distraught

I expressed my story

I untangled my woes

Will my story end with a cliffhanger?

The question is Who Know’s?

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The Neurology of Mental Health

I sit and I wait, and sigh

A dreamer to the observer

A loner to the other eye

My brain slithers

So effortlessly

Through many comparisons of mood

Yet no one understands

The pain.

The headache

The disorganised spelling

Normal speech and a thousand words

Cannot heal this awful curse

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How do we increase our awareness of our selves?

How do we build upon our self-esteem?

  • Write a list of what you value about yourself and how you can make a difference to other people’s lives
  • Write down a list of characteristics you want and believe you already have them
  • Write down a list of positive achievements and attributes you’ve created in your life and how you created them as this will keep the mind focused on creating new ideologies
  • What are your hobbies? Do you confirm to the individual beside you or do you trust your own intuition?
  • If you could have any career you want what career would you choose?
  • Define yourself, take the pen, make a work of art 🖼
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Positive activities completed this morning 💓

Just a normal day, I woke up, made myself a tea, and did some anagrams to gain interpersonal skills and allow myself to think better cognitively. Which lead me with an idea:

1. Create a spider diagram of one descriptive word in the centre that describes your core personality and create anagrams of all those leaves that stem from the descriptive word that you create. Write them down.

2. Write a paragraph of how you felt about yourself and what you discovered about yourself.

3. Looked at my diary and took my sertraline and listed things to do today in a specified time-frame

4. Completed critical thinking exercises from worksheets I printed

5. Wrote in my CBT record

This is how I grow 💙

 

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The broken moon 🌒

What is the meaning of an eclipse?

Is it a partial disturbance of evil covering the light of the stone’s soul?

What is the meaning of night?

Is it to rest our bodies or minds?

What is the meaning of the holes on the moons surface?

Does it emphasise the holes we carry within our hearts?

What is the meaning of a broken soul?

An awareness that there’s a missing piece – a missing part of you that you can’t comprehend. . .

But it’s always the same moon. The same moon we all look up to.

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Be worthy

You’re Worthy 💙

Grow

Let Others

Define Your worth

Allow others to

Destroy you, but don’t

Let them

Be that broken piece

Forgive those who played with your mind

Begin Again

You are suffering, I see

But . . .

You failed, I understand

Now read it bottom up !! 💕📝

 

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A poem that was published when I was a child 📝

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The Tables Turned

You’re on a different path now, the world has shown you the way forward, what you need to do . . .

. . . You’re inspired, fulfilling, compassionate, eccentric, intrinsic, introverted but extroverted, both a reader and a writer

. . . They didn’t expect you to come so far but you did and for that young soul be grateful for that’s a blessing – you made it and you can teach others how to too

Whos they?

They’re the one’s whos souls are still coal black and their eyes so misty – their delusion was that you were the problem 💞