From the naked eye you see a smile
A delightful smile of a woman who has everything
What you don’t see are the bricks within the decorated walls
The bricks that weigh down her emotions
The bricks that fall on her heavy as she sleeps
You can’t see the bricks she holds within herself
So you judge, you assume, you scoff
It doesn’t hurt to be a little kind
For a mental health illness is heavy
Not a personal failure or a mistake
Mental health isn’t a means for ridicule
Mental health should be a means for recovery
As a borderline I often worry about what others think of me. How they see my image. How they see me as me. Are they able to see my struggles although more often than not I’m met with – you look fine. You’re okay.
You tend to look deeper at your inner self at this point and overanalyse and overthink pushing yourself into oblivion, pushing yourself into the face of adversity looking at your flaws and giving them a label like your diagnosis which isn’t really healthy.
I suppose living with borderline personality disorder is a bit like watching a movie. You cry, you laugh, you’re just like others but with this big passionate personality bursting out in the environment. It’s like our brains are programmed to be too empathetic that gives us the feeling of isolation, that gives us the feeling we must be more adult with our emotions.
Honestly though. Do you think the cave men said right, that person’s got a mental health problem we don’t want them. No. Maybe some yes but overall no. The only priority back then was good, safety and water. Additionally, which I must say… we still adopt the same behaviours and have the same views to teach us how to respond to the environment. Our reptile brains still exist and technology is advancing faster than our brains can cope with. Technology is a beautiful source but it’s still used inappropriately, to judge, to bully, to allow ourselves to misguide ourselves through endless thoughts because there’s always a comparison. Always a sense of fear or threat because people can write their opinions on a platform which is largely based on opinion than fact.
The sea blue light of the early hour
Awakens the nests within the trees
A slight breeze and a heavy yawn
The transition from dusk to dawn
Hold the hour at which you wake
Appreciate the day that lies before you
Tomorrow isn’t here yet
We only have today
Today to make change
Today to help one another
Today to start fresh
The sun and the moon rise through storm and hail
At the same speed and the same rotation
You’ll never see our biggest shared assets fall
Anxiety, Anxiety, Anxiety.
How it gives the false illusion you are drowning in your past experiences, drowning in the foundations of what shaped you, playing cricket with the chemicals within your brain – seemingly excusing yourself from all social activities making yourself appear socially enept but sociable through writing. Writing gives you reassurance. It gives you a creative spark. It is the hope that will set you free from the demons on earth. The demons are silent.
I speak with thunder
I speak with thought
I lost who I was
Distressed and distraught
I expressed my story
I untangled my woes
Will my story end with a cliffhanger?
The question is Who Know’s?
I sit and I wait, and sigh
A dreamer to the observer
A loner to the other eye
My brain slithers
Through many comparisons of mood
Yet no one understands
The disorganised spelling
Normal speech and a thousand words
Cannot heal this awful curse
How do we build upon our self-esteem?
- Write a list of what you value about yourself and how you can make a difference to other people’s lives
- Write down a list of characteristics you want and believe you already have them
- Write down a list of positive achievements and attributes you’ve created in your life and how you created them as this will keep the mind focused on creating new ideologies
- What are your hobbies? Do you confirm to the individual beside you or do you trust your own intuition?
- If you could have any career you want what career would you choose?
- Define yourself, take the pen, make a work of art 🖼