What side of the brain do you use?
The interaction between both is a game of volleyball, a confusing element within its features, a comprehensive account of our genetics and memory processes…
Skills are what motivates us. Experience is what shapes us. Atoms. That’s all we are atoms.
I thought I’d do a post after seeing a post on Facebook about a kind hearted young girl taking her own life because of borderline personality disorder caused by abuse.
I just want to point out the effects of borderline personality disorder and how it may impact on caregivers:
- BPD are loving individuals
- They are not dangerous
- They are warm and caring
- They isolate themselves when they feel too overwhelmed, they become angry when they are afraid
- They experience extreme mood swings when faced with interpersonal trauma and/or distress
- They think with their heart
- Its one of the most commonly recognised personality disorders
- During a crisis the sufferer loses control – as a result this can lead to suicide or intense emotional reactions to triggers that relate to the sufferers interpersonal traumas.
- They have problems interacting with others and dissociate to mask their inner pain
- They feel lost and abandoned the majority of the time
- If intensely bullied/abused may experience delusions and hallucinations
- Is often confused with Histrionic Personality Disorder, dissociative identity disorder, bipolar disorder, ptsd and narcissistic personality disorder.
- It’s not a label, it’s neurological and affects the areas of the brain responsible for controlling mood
- Creativity, drama therapy and music therapy helps with restoring the individual to a normal level of functioning
- Can affect relationships and are at risk of further abuse
- Are often criticised by the healthcare professions who don’t understand during a crisis the illness can take over the mind of even the most high functioning borderline
- This needs to be removed from the personality disorders category because it’s the only personality disorder to have the highest suicide rates and personality disorders start before the age of four -bpd is the result of abuse.
Love is undefinable. You think the person you love will always deliver the same you give to them. If it’s imbalanced it is destructive.
As Shakespeare once said “The route of all heartache is expectation”
You can’t expect anyone to love you but you can always hold on to that inner hope. You have to love yourself first, flaws and all. The broken pieces of you make up you. Don’t succumb to anger because that won’t get you anywhere. It will create a false picture of you.
Love has its ups and downs. We all have different qualities and different ways in which we see the world. We all have values, we are not our mistakes. We are the character that arises from the mistake. We are whoever we wish to be. Sometimes we just have to believe in ourselves. Love grows, just like a seed awaiting the sunshine and water. Just like the seasons change. Just like the weather changes. Change is inevitable. Change is something we all have to deal with in our lives whether we want to or not. Change is a blessing in disguise. Change is something we have to be uncomfortable with in order to grow, to realise, to deal with.
It’s natural. Oxytocin is a powerful chemical and it can take over the mind of the most empathetic person.
So you’ve made mistakes in your relationships? You’ve questioned your sanity? You’ve portrayed the unexpected? Those are previous circumstances that don’t define you. Have hope for a positive and loving future. Forgive those who have hurt you in life through actions but share awareness of how those actions can affect the mental health of others.
You know the saying “Don’t mix business with pleasure” – it’s because compassion and love should be private but business should be shared with the world to contribute to new discoveries, new developments, new projects. Something that will shape our future generations.
It’s a biological illness that affects the brain. You struggle with black and white thinking. You struggle to find any grey area in your life. You love with intensity but the problem with borderline personality disorder is when you think and you think and you think you can say things that come across as manipulative even when there’s no intentions to. True manipulation is subtle. True manipulation is not visibly observant by the public eye. You become foolish in your behaviour, overgeneralise your inner anger. Anger derives from wanting to project what you feel is right but in borderline personality disorder you need to look at ways you can see the grey area in between the emotions, see the grey area in our lives. You become so distrustful and avoidant of people because of previous experiences you begin to create, create in isolation. Creative work gives others a sense of fulfilment, a release, a sense of compassion. There needs to be new treatments for borderline personality disorder. Most borderlines are writers, actors, musicians and have learned narcissistic traits because they’re battling with the memories that shaped them. They write about the way they feel because it’s the brain’s way of processing earlier experiences. It’s the brain’s way of communicating inner distress and pain. It’s treatable but not curable and depending on individual circumstances can intensify unexpectedly. They are fragile but strong. They are loving but afraid. They struggle with opposites that masks the grey area in between 💗📝
I’ve been working through my compassionate mind workbook written by Chris Irons and Elaine Beaumont when I came across the description of the word ‘compassion’ which cognitively changed my thought process from a negative to a positive:
“Compassion is a sensitivity to suffering in self and others, with a commitment to alleviate and prevent it”
The questions I am exploring in the workbook presently are as follows:
1. Does the word ‘compassion’ have any negative associations for you?
2. List the situations or experiences where your old brain has been triggered; this means the normal emotions such as anger, irritability, guilt, sadness, joy, defensive behaviours such as fight or flight responses.
3. List your new brain competencies;
Imagination, planning, Rumination, Worry and Self-awareness.
4. List your old brain competencies;
Motives; harm-avoidance, competition, caring
Emotions; Anger, anxiety, sadness, joy
Behaviours; fight, flight and submission.
A technique I’m starting to use for my own well being is compassionate mind training.
In compassionate mind training you have to ask yourself the questions that activate your flight and fight response and understand what drives you to behave in a certain way.
All humans share two main traits and that is survival and reproduction. The planet is millions of years old and we are destroying it with our selfish needs, we are building upon nature, we will face extinction if we keep doing the same negative behaviours that destroys the world as we know it. Nature is spectacular.
Our threat system can change the thought processes of the mind. Our bodies are designed biologically to look out for threats. It is designed to look out for danger and it is designed to reason, to think, to imagine, to create, to motivate and to be emotional. Millions of years ago people didn’t have these labels that are thrown on us in society. Normative social influence, conformity and obedience is one of the reasons why there’s more bad in the world than good – it’s because people are programming themselves through materialistic desires. We have all the technology in the end except we still criticise the people who suffer from mental health. We are supposed to develop. We are supposed to evolve. We are supposed to become abundant. We are supposed to share. We are suppose to build. We are supposed to do so many wonderful things.
She took one last step towards him. Her heart jumped at the sight of her illusions. She was questioning herself. She was wondering by unexpectedly. She felt love for him with no understanding of why. This left her craving more. She realised she had absorbed his personality traits and her brain would never be the same.
It began on a cold winter morning. Owls hooted and crickets chirped. The sun a pale yellow rising above the mist. The atmosphere was quiet and the air had a delicate warmth in its blow. I felt I had exhausted all efforts in trying to rebuild my life. I was lonely. But not lonely as in craving another person to fill my void, lonely as in lacking the capacity to make good appropriate decisions. I had just left my family home after a disagreement. I felt abandoned, prejudiced, alone. I wanted to find a quiet spot to relax my thoughts and deal with my pain in solitude but everywhere I turned I had the darkest memories of pain reflecting images of anticipation in my environment. I didn’t see the world the way others did back then. I was avoidant. Avoidant of anyone who would bring me pain. Avoidant of anything that would disrupt my thought processes. Avoidant of anything uncomfortable that suffocated me. Avoidant of the my loving inner virtues like something had blocked my ability to love myself and who I was. I was confused. I couldn’t understand back then. I was seventeen. I had just finished my GCSE’s with a high mark in History. History was my favourite subject because I liked the way evolution had evolved, how technology had camouflaged the art of survival. It was then I knew I still was using my primitive brain. I wanted it to be manipulated to blend in with social norms, I wanted it to stop being fearful of my past. I wanted by brain to stop being on the lookout for danger but it never complied with my conscience. It was then I moved back to my fathers. I had just come out of a relationship that didn’t end well. I loved this man a lot but I was too unstable within the relationship so he ended it with me. I felt rejected. I felt like I wasn’t deserving of love. He had a strong deameanour which I valued. It was never going to work out so that night I cried myself to sleep hoping that one day I’d have a stable relationship with value and consistency. It was then I met him. An unexpected encounter. I was about to embark on a destructive path.