Stevenage woman with borderline personality disorder speaks out ahead of Mental Health Awareness Week | Stevenage, Hitchin, Letchworth, Biggleswade News – The Comet

https://www.thecomet.net/news/stevenage-woman-with-borderline-personality-disorder-speaks-out-1-6042184

This is a story I did for the local news in Stevenage regarding Borderline Personality Disorder although chose to remain anonymous as it gets the message across to the mental health professionals and the public to aid better research to help others.

Please take a read and share if you can as will help at least one person.

Thank you x

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The Isolated Borderline

To the partners of the sufferer. I know how hard you try to help your loved one. I know how hard you try and make communication.

The days your loved one curls up in bed not ready to face the day whilst you put food on the table, the rapid mood swings with such emotional intensity that the sufferer feels devalued because they don’t want to feel that way.

They appreciate you. They love you millions. Even if they don’t show it. They are battling their inner demons crying out for help believing things would get better.

They switch goals easily, they’re depressed, they’re irritable but their social media profiles are full of selfies & posts of self-reflection. They’re expressing their pain so creatively.

The borderline doesn’t want to hurt you. They want to feel safe. They want to feel secure. They want to be able to live a happy life although their positive emotions don’t always reflect their inner mood.

The borderline senses danger. Their minds are in constant flight and fight response because their memories have been moulded to fit in with their most painful experiences. Those who have felt the most pain always know how to love because they know what the opposite is.

Opposites attract. Love releases a chemical called oxytocin within the same brain region that affects the borderline.

Trust me when I say this but she loves you.

She loves you with her heart although she let’s go or tries to keep you when she senses a threat. A threat that you will walk away and find someone else but she passionately tries to avoid to cry herself to the point of self-destruction.

Don’t intend to hurt her because the symptoms will magnify.

Love her as you would yourself; (both men & women)

Break down the stigma. He/she is brave. She has a talent. Help her find it ♡

What to say to a borderline during therapy

Psychologists and psychiatrists can play their part in treating a borderline by reorganisation. 

Below I’ve listed ways how:

  1. Replace ‘you are too emotional and take things to heart’ with the words ‘I know you’re struggling, please can you explain to me what happened in more detail and why you feel the way you do? If the therapist is weary of delusions compromising or interfering with the therapy then they can arrange a follow up meeting and ask the same question again for clarification purposes.
  2. Ask a borderline what their creative hobbies are and suggest creative activities they can do.
  3. Remind the borderline they are aware their negative emotions are not intentional but be more parental in a supportive way and suggest ways can  remove the anger from their processes although in times of crisis the anger can be explosive because of the highs and the lows.
  4. Introduce positive communication methods and integrate this into therapy to help the borderline communicate more efficiently in times of distress.
  5. Dont take things to heart with a borderline- they can lose their trust pretty quickly but only because they’ve been hurt so much before.

The mind of the borderline

We can create, we can love, we can heal 

We can connect patterns, we have obsessions with positivity counteracting the depression within our brains, fighting for survival on a day to day basis.

The stigma attached to the condition is degrading and decreases the worth of the survivor. Notice how I use the word survivor?

Sometimes all we need is someone to listen to us and understand rather than watch us struggle in our lives with our social functioning and be criticised by the professionals who are supposed to help us.

All it takes is a bit of love and the right communication.

Don’t bring down a damaged soul to the brink of despair. You have no idea the trauma they hold within their hearts ♡

Till death do us part

A tree never forgets it’s roots right? Well nethier do people. 

Observation is a gift. It’s a resemblance of being open-minded. I’m not one of those people who says “Get over yourself” or “You’re just being silly” if someone opens up to me about a problem. I’m the type of person who understands real world situations and what I found extremely interesting about my ability of situational judgement is I could look at the whole picture rather than fragmented parts of others. I look ahead. I look into their soul. A true born empath with the power to make change. The power to make awareness to stop abuse. I’m not a perfect person at all. I have reacted out of fear but never intentionally. Real world abuse is consistent and forms a pattern of behaviour consistent in all settings.

Depression gives a broad view of reality. You notice the counterparts of others negative energy, you notice when the tide creeps in amongst the clay modelled sand and then you strategically build a sandcastle from an element of gratitude, a passion for greatness and the willpower to achieve.

I’m self-reflective. I understand sociology. I understand that life isn’t simple. I understand about suicide because I’ve attempted before and survived. Am I ashamed of being unwell in the past? No because I wouldn’t want another soul feeling the way I did. When I look back and think at the people who laughed at me, criticised me, made me feel powerless amongst their peers, made assumptions, used heuristics and biases to separate me from my passions in life I realised I allowed them to do that because I was unwell at the time.

Its like a game of chess. Some people use iterative reasoning to feel comfortable in their lives and some people (toxic people) use strategic interaction to bring down their opponent. Sometimes you have to take a step back to get to the checkmate.

A Borderline Moment

Mental health professionals do not seem to grasp the concept that people can change and improve their lives no matter if they’ve had a previous diagnosis of borderline personality disorder or not. To listen to them tell me who I am when I know what would work for me is practically throwing myself back in the past. Like hello? I had no control over my mood swings for a six month period and was told to not tell them when I feel suicidal when I was suicidal. Why would I waste their time if I wasn’t? Luckily for me the suicidal feelings have passed and my personality is returning back to normal. Sadly my borderline personality disorder did make an appearance again after an emotional abuse incident but it’s so criticised in health professions that a news team have asked to interview me to make change on the misconceptions of the disorder as believe I have a voice that could make a difference for mental health awareness week in May. I’m doing this for others so they don’t have to go through the stigma I had to and so the healthcare professions will listen to the sufferers more. It takes the right communication with a borderline. It isn’t an adjective. It is a serious brain illness that can’t be switched off like a switch. The theoretical knowledge of the condition puts sufferers at risk of further harm because it implies it’s the sufferers fault so if they were to be abused again it is more than likely they wouldn’t be believed because of their diagnosis which is silly. Mental health conditions don’t discriminate and there needs to be better change. If health professionals want to spend less money and tax on mental health conditions then it’s time reform was made.

The Beauty Of The Borderline

When we think of the word “personality” disorder we automatically assign an individual to the description or the theoretical meaning of what is written about the condition rather than look at ways of separating the person from the mental health condition.

Borderline Personality Disorder is a mood disorder and can be treated with a mood stabiliser (except never ask a psychiatrist or psychologist for one) they’ll criticise the condition before even knowing a person which is why the mental health crisis is becoming more prevalent in the western world. It’s a neurological brain condition that can be treated although the lack of funding and research means that people have to suffer unnecessarily without their voice being heard. I assumed that professionals would want to understand the person although in some cases this wasn’t the case. I was met with “Just get on with your life.” Why allow someone to deteriorate your condition. Yes I accept their views. Except they haven’t experienced the same experiences I have. They were lecturing me on empathy and compassion like it is wrong to think with your heart. I like thinking with my heart. Except yes in professional occupations I use my head.

I realised that it wasn’t a personality disorder. It borderlines between PTSD and Bipolar affective disorder when I experienced the worst effects of it I ever had. I was constantly paranoid, looking over my every shoulder, expressing my traumas, expressing my weaknesses, asking for a mood stabiliser before commencement of group therapy and CBT but I couldn’t get a mood stabiliser although medical professionals asked me to be persistent I knew that the stigma attached to borderline personality disorder meant my voice wouldn’t be heard. I knew because they were being contradictive in their views about me. I knew because I lost control but I’m using the experience and building upon the new. I have to accept that not everyone has the same views or opinions on a mental health condition and majority influence is a sociological factor that separates others from getting the mental health support they need so sometimes we can only do what’s best for ourselves and encourage our own developments as well as inspiring others because if we don’t the world will take from us the love we’ve always given out.