The broken soul

For all the times you blamed me for my indulgence

My capacity to be positive in the light of destruction

Opening my sorrows on to the open plains

Sewing the past in the fabric of my bedding

A crystal essence of satisfaction

Moods in alignment with dusk and dawn

Emotions comprehensive and encapsulating

Sense of fear within the shadows

Awaken my soul with your sensitive light

To feel the heart beat is a blessing

To feel the brain crunch and turn at every negative experience

A drop of turmoil invisible to those who judge me for my past

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The Isolated Borderline

To the partners of the sufferer. I know how hard you try to help your loved one. I know how hard you try and make communication.

The days your loved one curls up in bed not ready to face the day whilst you put food on the table, the rapid mood swings with such emotional intensity that the sufferer feels devalued because they don’t want to feel that way.

They appreciate you. They love you millions. Even if they don’t show it. They are battling their inner demons crying out for help believing things would get better.

They switch goals easily, they’re depressed, they’re irritable but their social media profiles are full of selfies & posts of self-reflection. They’re expressing their pain so creatively.

The borderline doesn’t want to hurt you. They want to feel safe. They want to feel secure. They want to be able to live a happy life although their positive emotions don’t always reflect their inner mood.

The borderline senses danger. Their minds are in constant flight and fight response because their memories have been moulded to fit in with their most painful experiences. Those who have felt the most pain always know how to love because they know what the opposite is.

Opposites attract. Love releases a chemical called oxytocin within the same brain region that affects the borderline.

Trust me when I say this but she loves you.

She loves you with her heart although she let’s go or tries to keep you when she senses a threat. A threat that you will walk away and find someone else but she passionately tries to avoid to cry herself to the point of self-destruction.

Don’t intend to hurt her because the symptoms will magnify.

Love her as you would yourself; (both men & women)

Break down the stigma. He/she is brave. She has a talent. Help her find it ♡

Scarcity and Abundance

The first step in emotional dysregulation and self awareness since my borderline personality disorder decided to take partnership back in my life (this time with cptsd that hadn’t happened before after managing to reduce the bpd to traits over the past three years) as I see things in black and white again, is to embrace the positive aspects of who we are. I’m trying to see the grey area between daily. My moods are in alignment with my feelings. My brain is a vibration of chemicals. Crossing the border from scarcity to abundance is one of the greatest things we can do for ourselves. Abundance is necessary for cognition to be in balance with your emotions. Abundance is necessary for healthier development of the body and mind. Too much oxytocin of negative energy is bad for us. This is the black-white thinking of the borderline. We flip between scarcity and abundance in alignment with the environmental input we attract. We love intensely, we are passionate souls but we crave routine, stability and balance – the highs give me creative abilities and access the part of the brain I didn’t know I had. It’s prosperous but suffocating at the same time. Your brain is consistently looking for that balance & if the balance doesn’t match the positive frequency the borderline retreats and isolates. It’s not a personality disorder as such but a biological change in the prefrontal cortex, the amygdala and the hippocampus representing every memory you’ve ever experienced, every thought you’ve ever had, every feeling you’ve ever felt and that’s magnified in accordance with our inputs. It’s highly treatable but the creative aspects of this disorder is too positive for us to want to let go. It is a representation of what we desire. We desire balance and alignment. We want a middle ground. We are the only personality disorder to be effectively treated – it’s not our “personality” it’s a brain illness – an offshoot of Complex ptsd/bipolar – theoretically it’s the borderline between these two illnesses. We are the INFJs of the universe – we are the empaths. Ever watched the film Divergent? It explains the empath in society and how they dont fit into a category.

 

1. Physical Energy – Yoga & meditation exercises

2. Point of view – Focus on the here and now

3. Emotional energy – Focus on creative practicalities

4. Mental energy – Feel what your body needs, add nutrients, diet , replenishment, imagine that frequency. Feel that bliss once again. ⭐️

Criticism of the borderline

Can you imagine strolling through life asking others not to hurt you to only suffer from the after effects of institutionalized discrimination, psychological manipulation and have your life swept from you as if you’re to blame for the abuse you’ve endured out your life.

When borderline ask for help for additional symptoms they haven’t experienced before their past is judged as a reason for the present – like the borderline is unable to heal. Sometimes you have to isolate yourself feeling the depersonalisation, feeling the dissociation being told you’re going round in circles for experiencing emotional flashbacks. . . Complex PTSD can fit your experiences more closely although the efforts throughout to ask for help and support from the care providers can be met with “Its her BPD.”

I’m being raw and honest here because some people fight for survival and positivity. People fight for a life much different from their experiences.

Maybe we need to exchange the indoctrination of what’s wrong with you to what happened to you. Imagine how many lives that will save.

 

You’ll want to read this!! Borderline & the INFJ

During my last borderline personality disorder crisis at the time I felt I had no control over the changes within my brain and focused so much on the labels and the permanent factor thrust aside them, I didn’t focus my attention on probability and how my memory can cause my anger.

I’ve built on the new from experience.

I felt at the time well if no one close to me cares the world doesn’t and people are out to hurt me. That’s a negative automatic thought that springs to mind as it was a situation of conflict. This was when I realised the distinction between concentration and conflict.

I realised I was focusing so much on the slanderous negative beliefs that others had labelled me with for being abused throughout my life in more ways than one instead of focusing on my goal which was to separate myself from the mental health condition that inspired me to write this blog.

Ive always loved learning. It’s the most positive part of my memory and I’ve always aspired to go on to achieve better things because I had the belief that I could. I knew deep down I deserved better than what I experienced in my life.

Recently I decided to let go of others false beliefs about me as I realised they were judging at face value rather than looking at causality and helping me and I realised I can only help myself. I’m alone the majority of the time so at first was quite skeptical about the borderline personality disorder diagnosis but then from experience as a sufferer I realised what it actually is. A disorder thrust upon empaths. We were born empaths. We have emotions, we know how to love, we have empathy, we are creative, we are intelligent except our compassionate nature can lead us to be attracted to the opposite of who we are as people and that’s narcissm.

The labels never tell you the good things about borderline personality disorder such as good insight, self-awareness, superb long term memory, able to recall memories since a toddler, creative, has a gift, talent or skill, observant, has superb situational judgement, can stay with one person for a lifetime if they honestly love them back, will continue to fight for what’s right, idealistic and compassionate.

My theoretical view of the psychological personality of Borderline Personality Disorder is INFJ. If you have borderline personality disorder then take the Myers Briggs personality disorder questionnaire on 16personalities.com.

List your results in the comments.

Being open about mental health isn’t attention seeking 💓

In order for others to have their voice heard there needs to be change and there will be change. We need less discrimination in society and more practicicalities to aid individuals with the necessary life skills to be able to do well with their life. Some people want the help and some people don’t. The first step in getting help is to ask. That’s exactly what I did except was met with “I’ve gone through a lot in my life Natalie, what do you want help with today?” – my mental health crisis. Why would the changes in my brain be related to life events – yes a life event triggered it and I don’t drink or do drugs and the impulsivity of BPD decreases over time so I suggested it was complex ptsd instead although my views weren’t heard and it was put down to the one diagnosis I always had. This has made me realise the austerity in relation to mental health and instead of reacting I’ve accepted their views because voicing my feelings and opinion isn’t going to work with mental health professionals. They don’t understand sometimes that not everything is related to life events although they can be triggers. BPD is a mood disorder and does have suicidal thoughts and mania that rapid cycle within a day. I’m so glad I’m at a level of stability. Either that or I’ve been misdiagnosed but either way I’m proud of myself for getting through the suicidal moments 💗