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BPD and CPTSD are the same condition…here’s why.

Borderline Personality Disorder and Complex PTSD are often mistaken for one another.

Growing up I was bullied, endured repetitive abuse, became anxious, had a fear of people but it came to my attention recently what if these two conditions are the same condition?

Let me explain this from an ‘out of the box’ point of view. When you make a recipe such as spaghetti bolognese the ingredients you add or don’t add change the taste. Borderline Personality Disorder is described as originating from trauma and abuse whereas other personality disorders are described as existing before the age of four.

Why is CPTSD consistently mistaken for BPD but not any other diagnoses or personality disorders?

Is there a cure for the borderline afterall?

What if we change the recipe of the treatment methods…would we get different results? Yes, we would.

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What does missing an antidepressant do to your brain!?

If you have a chemical imbalance within your brain, missing one capsule can have a devastating effect on your health and your life.

I was subject to this. I was wallowing through life, replenishing my soul, afraid to dream of my shadows, afraid to break the eggshells I stepped upon until I spoke up. I spoke up because I had to. I spoke up to save my own life. I spoke up because my soul was fighting for survival. Because of my diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder people were horrible to me about my illness and that’s when I remembered Einstein’s quote; “The evil of the world isn’t those who do evil but those who look on without doing anything.”

I remembered my worth. I remembered that I had a soul. I remembered that I’d never lower myself to the level of those who hurt, betrayed or laughed at me during the difficult times. I fought a battle to explain how some conditions affect the brain except my voice wasn’t heard much. I suppose those in medical power sometimes feel like because they have control it makes them feel better to allow others to struggle. Ever heard of the Milgram experiment? Exactly. There’s very few people we can truthfully trust in this world and ourselves has to be the first because if we don’t look out for ourselves we will only be met with more stigma, more discrimination and an ancient society.

It’s time to make change. It’s time to make a difference. I’m living proof that mental health conditions do change the brain and I’m also living prove a borderline can have empathy. What do I owe to the world? My faith. My charisma. My skills. My passion. My love. Education, respect and dignity to all those who are dealing with their demons in the most extraordinary way.

Keep going because you are strong. We will end discrimination and your talents will shine through the cobwebs that plagued your soul. đź’™

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What is altruism and does it exist?

Altruism is doing good for others without expecting anything in return. Only 1% of the population is altruistic statistically. This is why so many altruistic people are criticised for their warmth, their openness, their values and their heartfelt emotions. It’s not a weakness it’s a sign of strength.

I want to do voluntary work for others no matter how hard life has knocked me down, or how many people have left me alone, or whatever I’ve lost in my life. I still have hope in my heart. A hope for a better future. An end of mental health stigma. An end to the suffering. But I’m pro-development. Pro-efficient. I’m capable 💙

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Reasons to stay alive by Matt Haig đź’“

My experience with depression related illnesses is that it comes from the brain or the tiny centre of the nucleus accumbens…In September 2018 I experienced a whirring inside of my brain 🧠 like my head had literally been shoved in a washing machine and I couldn’t make out what was right or what was wrong anymore – the outside world seemed different, like I could see the world in a total different way. It was like a switch had flickered in my brain and my brain was just a whizz of electric current.

I’ve started to read this book called “Reasons to stay alive” by Matt Haig based upon his own experiences with depression and how he managed to get through it – it was a book I came across when I was suicidal. I thought no healthy mind understands the biological mechanisms of a mental health illness so I have to try my best to get myself through the worst although at this point I couldn’t read properly or concentrate but I could express information and knowledge I had no awareness of ever learning and started to create new fascinating ideas – this was when they said it was borderline personality disorder. I was convinced it was depression because I was so suicidal but because of my “positive” core personality traits rather than the way I was feeling or presenting at face value the depression side went unnoticed so I surrendered to what I believe would help me recover which was try my best at self-help worksheets.

This passage of the book struck a chord with me because I felt exactly the same and it’s comforting to listen to another’s story based upon similar experiences. I hope this lightens another’s soul too…

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Depression

Have you ever looked around you and people all stable and laughing, the walls closing in on you, the hallways swallowing your mind whole, like you’re pushing yourself through quicksand, like your brain is slow and grounded, like you have no control over your anger? In the lowest moments do you sit there and listen to the vibrations of the brain looking at the world in a different way, like the sand meets the shore of the strongest tide, a mind that never stops. A mind that never stops writing, a mind that never stops thinking, a mind that is positive but a brain as a competitor fighting for survival – the soul telling you to stay strong and have hope, the world around you getting tired of listening to your inner pain, the world around you believing you don’t appreciate what you have except you do but it’s not you that’s ill. It’s your brain. Except you know this. After many failures you’re aware of this but you stay strong, you keep at your goals and aspirations because it gives you hope and you give hope to others experiencing the same things. You pace, you sit and wonder, wonder what went wrong, wonder why your ears hear differently, your eyes see the world in a different way. You just wonder. Wonder why the stable mind can’t understand how you feel because they haven’t been there. They haven’t been where you are. It’s okay not to be okay. You may not be perfect, you may not have made good decisions in the past but your brain has a power. A power beyond your wildest thoughts. It’s a brain with passion, a brain with emphasis, a brain that has a better insight of reality.

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Ernest Hemingway’s Mind

Ernest Hemingway once said: “There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self”

What does this quote imply?

Ernest Hemingway struggled with depression at the time he wrote this quote. You can tell by his words. The first sentence shows he probably tried to explain how he was feeling but came across as insensitive and superior and couldn’t understand why no one else could understand the way he was feeling.

The second part of the sentence implies his own personal growth within his writing. He released his emotions into words, he created books that warmed the hearts of millions of people around the world – especially the book “The Old Man and the Sea.”

He remembered who he was before all the traumatic incidents happened to him except he knew something in his brain has changed. He knew because he became superior to himself. He may have come across as narcissistic but maybe society suppressed him too much, so was he? Maybe the experiences he entailed changed the way in which is brain functioned. Maybe he didn’t realise how much of himself he lost until the moment he could write. He wrote about what hurts. His imagination will always live on.

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My ethnicity results

15337CD6-613F-40A0-8F8B-AAC35BF552E4This is my biological ancestry DNA 🧬 It’s very valuable research and I aim to explore the specific dynamics and cultural norms each of my dna results relates to and relate to my interpersonal norms and values for the purpose of  writing. 

 

This is me and makes up me and I’m proud to be me. I see as it as essence of my being and I love culture – I love different countries, I’m in love with the world 💗🧬

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How does music amplify mood?

If you’re feeling depressed listen to a piece of music that is the opposite of the way you feel – this can shift you into mania, feel your thoughts multiplying feel  yourself achieveing and being capable of anything, see so many bright colours, so many lights, do so many magnificent things even when your mood is low. Crazy right?

In the midst of it all you just want to take control and tell yourself to stop but you can’t. It’s so euphoric it feels amazing but depressing at the same time. Is that even possible?

“I can’t help myself it’s human nature, human nature, who says who we are meant to be” – Zara Larsson

You can love the world in a moment. You love the way it’s constructed. You love the different shapes of the buildings. The buzzing of the brain, the prefrontal cortex battling with your soul saying just stop and your soul saying stabilise and calm down please but you just can’t. You just want to Write. Write. Write. You’re enjoying the atmosphere but it’s amaking you agitated and irritable at the same time. You can feel the episodes getting worse but it’s so amazing. You know what you’re dealing with within yourself so you just write and write and write to take off that aggravated edge. Who knew mood swings could be so painful and magnificent at the same time.