A flashback to the past, a remberance of what formed my personality as a child, a detailed account of my imperfect indifference.
I grew up on a council estate in London. I was my mother’s first child – she was only 16 when I was born except she realised I was advanced in my development. I could read at the age of three, I had difficulties with social interaction and comprehension and would often daydream to the point nursery teachers assumed I had epilepsy. This came back clear. This was when I knew I was a borderline. I didn’t have any intense anger growing up – I was more paranoid of others hidden motives. I would be avoidant and apprehensive and constantly be hyper vigilant for any dangers or threats. Mental health say mental health conditions can’t affect toddlers – the reality is yes they can. I decided to choose education and writing as my strength. I loved writing, drama, history and would often write poems or listen to music to help me cope with what life threw at me. I was often comfortable with only a few friends that understood me and I could come across as selfish when I wanted to be isolated but that was just me. I loved the outdoors and my local playscheme and my Pokemon cards: I remember my neighbours, I remember the perfect moments of living in Edgware and what I miss about the estate is it has been knocked down and reconstructed – effortlessly mordernised to fit in with updated society norms: how times have changed, how beautiful the new architecture is but at a new costly price.
How do we build upon our self-esteem?
- Write a list of what you value about yourself and how you can make a difference to other people’s lives
- Write down a list of characteristics you want and believe you already have them
- Write down a list of positive achievements and attributes you’ve created in your life and how you created them as this will keep the mind focused on creating new ideologies
- What are your hobbies? Do you confirm to the individual beside you or do you trust your own intuition?
- If you could have any career you want what career would you choose?
- Define yourself, take the pen, make a work of art 🖼
This is his story.
He walked towards the mirror and knealt down on the night of a full moon, it’s reflection mirrored in the glass. He stopped. His inner evaluative speech triggered his thoughts to reconcile the attachment developments he experienced as a child as he remembered all he had courageously fought through; the mirror having no idea of his hot cognition and the thoughts scraping within his frontal lobe, illogical but overwhelming in deep thinking and solitude.
His eyes were an ombré hazel with a white grey lining, luminous with a dark purple centre. His hair an eerie black, full and fine, flowing discreetly past is pale crimson forehead. His nose, a burnt shade of red, pressed against the pane creating a smear of condensated matter.
He peered more deeply.
It wasn’t a mirror or a glass – it was an icy pool of cold moods, his tears icicles of winter snow, his body a sculpture of stillness. It wasn’t a shop window he was peering into – it was a frozen lake. The lake. The lake of death as they call it. The lake that takes the minds of many suffering so quietly, so elegantly, the lake that has created blessings, the lake a pool of a thousand diamonds. Diamonds that couldn’t speak up about their feelings. Diamonds that so swiftly declined and deteriorated due to the pressures of living within a tormented mind with a soft soul. His soul a powerful reminder of his pressured self-esteem – his body so bare.
Oh how someone would help him, but no one could be seen.
What side of the brain do you use?
The interaction between both is a game of volleyball, a confusing element within its features, a comprehensive account of our genetics and memory processes…
Skills are what motivates us. Experience is what shapes us. Atoms. That’s all we are atoms.
I thought I’d do a post after seeing a post on Facebook about a kind hearted young girl taking her own life because of borderline personality disorder caused by abuse.
I just want to point out the effects of borderline personality disorder and how it may impact on caregivers:
- BPD are loving individuals
- They are not dangerous
- They are warm and caring
- They isolate themselves when they feel too overwhelmed, they become angry when they are afraid
- They experience extreme mood swings when faced with interpersonal trauma and/or distress
- They think with their heart
- Its one of the most commonly recognised personality disorders
- During a crisis the sufferer loses control – as a result this can lead to suicide or intense emotional reactions to triggers that relate to the sufferers interpersonal traumas.
- They have problems interacting with others and dissociate to mask their inner pain
- They feel lost and abandoned the majority of the time
- If intensely bullied/abused may experience delusions and hallucinations
- Is often confused with Histrionic Personality Disorder, dissociative identity disorder, bipolar disorder, ptsd and narcissistic personality disorder.
- It’s not a label, it’s neurological and affects the areas of the brain responsible for controlling mood
- Creativity, drama therapy and music therapy helps with restoring the individual to a normal level of functioning
- Can affect relationships and are at risk of further abuse
- Are often criticised by the healthcare professions who don’t understand during a crisis the illness can take over the mind of even the most high functioning borderline
- This needs to be removed from the personality disorders category because it’s the only personality disorder to have the highest suicide rates and personality disorders start before the age of four -bpd is the result of abuse.