Living with Asperger’s Syndrome

Asperger’s syndrome is a developmental disorder; not a mental health condition so it’s harder for those on the autistic spectrum to explain themselves in times of crisis through face to face communication methods. We look normal on the outside although we can talk in the first person a lot. It is assumed we have no empathy except the truth is we have too much.

Most people see Asperger’s syndrome as someone who is connected to mathematics or patterns – that is true but is it the same for women? My Asperger’s means I see patterns in life events that scare me, the disrupt of routine can undermine my true personality and if I don’t know what to expect I can get anxious. I like to be goal committed: Autistic adults seem slow at first at learning a new task but give them a few weeks extra time and you wouldn’t regret employing someone on the autistic spectrum. We can teach others things about the universe that others are unable to see. I’ve been trying to switch off my Asperger’s syndrome my whole life except it’s never worked.

Previously I stated I felt I had bipolar disorder mistaken as borderline personality disorder in relation to my fluctuating moods. I was diagnosed with depression and put on sertraline but was told I didn’t have bipolar disorder even though I excel in creativity and am fascinated with how different subjects connect with one another.

I was speaking to a friend earlier today and she said you wouldn’t guess I had any mental health illness by speaking to me and I realised how much I had wasted my life away worrying about whether I would be accepted in any occupation, whether I belong anywhere, why I couldn’t communicate face to face properly but could release my emotions in acting and writing and work on my own initiative. I often questioned myself, not because I didn’t value my own abilities but because others questioned mine. It’s easier to express what travels through my mind except I guess that’s why the surrounding world is fast forward for me.

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