Allow your soul to feel the warmth of the summer air as you close your eyes and imagine an exotic beach surrounded by fields of sunflowers and dandelions dancing in alignment with the velvet green grass.
Your soul feels passion, it feels delight, it is the symphony of the milk way, an inner warmth that only you can feel.
Really close your eyes. Imagine the blazing hot sun shimmering between the trees separating the path from the shadows, forests of soilders standing guard of engraved copper caves watching over the sea guiding the ships and its sailors.
Imagine a safe spot within the forest where you can let go of your thoughts, a feeling of self-control and self-comfort listening to the echoes of natures most glorious species.
A lighthouse with a light bearing a ninety degree view of the soft white sand.
Breathe in an out slowly but deeply for five minutes whilst imaging the beauty of the forest. The forest by the shore.
I have, and this has always given me tremendous guilt. Guilt because when my brain doesn’t want to co-operate and you’re worried about how you will seem.
You just want to apologise to your friend’s but they understand when you’re not well but slowly they begin to walk away from you like you’re a burden that just intensifies your pain and gives your brain that shudder it doesn’t want to feel.
A vibration and a gulp.
A cognitive distortion and overgeneralisation resulting in four factors.
Anxiety, sadness, helplessness and depression.
It’s always better to just go for any positive opportunity you can because you may surprise yourself at your abilities. You may get there and realise not everything is bad as it seems. Be in a safe environment where you can feel loved and cared for and can project your positive emotions on to others is always the way to go.
If only I could apologise to my friends. If only I could make up for the lost hours when I hid myself away. If only I could apologise to the opportunities in the past.
If only medical professionals accepted me for who I was. If only I could become successful when describing my pain to at least help someone out there.
I hear you, I know you’re struggling.
I feel you, I can feel your pain.
I see you, I can visualise your trauma.
Anxiety, Anxiety, Anxiety.
How it gives the false illusion you are drowning in your past experiences, drowning in the foundations of what shaped you, playing cricket with the chemicals within your brain – seemingly excusing yourself from all social activities making yourself appear socially enept but sociable through writing. Writing gives you reassurance. It gives you a creative spark. It is the hope that will set you free from the demons on earth. The demons are silent.
Anxiety is more than an emotion.
Anxiety is a feeling of palpitations, a rapid heartbeat, inner intense distress, a temporary loss of surroundings.
Anxiety is not being able to take in all the sounds and sights of a large group or crowd.
Anxiety is stammering, struggling to get your words out.
Anxiety is rejecting invites from friends and wondering if they really like you or can see what you’re suffering with.
Anxiety is being cautious of how you appear to other people, being on constant alert and lookout for danger or threats
Anxiety is being afraid without a visible effective mood difference
Anxiety is overthinking and anaylysing
Anxiety is negative automatic thoughts
Anxiety is prevalent, anxiety damages your self worth
Anxiety is real and not to be confused with the emotion ✍🏻
This is his story.
He walked towards the mirror and knealt down on the night of a full moon, it’s reflection mirrored in the glass. He stopped. His inner evaluative speech triggered his thoughts to reconcile the attachment developments he experienced as a child as he remembered all he had courageously fought through; the mirror having no idea of his hot cognition and the thoughts scraping within his frontal lobe, illogical but overwhelming in deep thinking and solitude.
His eyes were an ombré hazel with a white grey lining, luminous with a dark purple centre. His hair an eerie black, full and fine, flowing discreetly past is pale crimson forehead. His nose, a burnt shade of red, pressed against the pane creating a smear of condensated matter.
He peered more deeply.
It wasn’t a mirror or a glass – it was an icy pool of cold moods, his tears icicles of winter snow, his body a sculpture of stillness. It wasn’t a shop window he was peering into – it was a frozen lake. The lake. The lake of death as they call it. The lake that takes the minds of many suffering so quietly, so elegantly, the lake that has created blessings, the lake a pool of a thousand diamonds. Diamonds that couldn’t speak up about their feelings. Diamonds that so swiftly declined and deteriorated due to the pressures of living within a tormented mind with a soft soul. His soul a powerful reminder of his pressured self-esteem – his body so bare.
Oh how someone would help him, but no one could be seen.
What side of the brain do you use?
The interaction between both is a game of volleyball, a confusing element within its features, a comprehensive account of our genetics and memory processes…
Skills are what motivates us. Experience is what shapes us. Atoms. That’s all we are atoms.
I thought I’d do a post after seeing a post on Facebook about a kind hearted young girl taking her own life because of borderline personality disorder caused by abuse.
I just want to point out the effects of borderline personality disorder and how it may impact on caregivers:
- BPD are loving individuals
- They are not dangerous
- They are warm and caring
- They isolate themselves when they feel too overwhelmed, they become angry when they are afraid
- They experience extreme mood swings when faced with interpersonal trauma and/or distress
- They think with their heart
- Its one of the most commonly recognised personality disorders
- During a crisis the sufferer loses control – as a result this can lead to suicide or intense emotional reactions to triggers that relate to the sufferers interpersonal traumas.
- They have problems interacting with others and dissociate to mask their inner pain
- They feel lost and abandoned the majority of the time
- If intensely bullied/abused may experience delusions and hallucinations
- Is often confused with Histrionic Personality Disorder, dissociative identity disorder, bipolar disorder, ptsd and narcissistic personality disorder.
- It’s not a label, it’s neurological and affects the areas of the brain responsible for controlling mood
- Creativity, drama therapy and music therapy helps with restoring the individual to a normal level of functioning
- Can affect relationships and are at risk of further abuse
- Are often criticised by the healthcare professions who don’t understand during a crisis the illness can take over the mind of even the most high functioning borderline
- This needs to be removed from the personality disorders category because it’s the only personality disorder to have the highest suicide rates and personality disorders start before the age of four -bpd is the result of abuse.