We all have a passion. A passion to make change, a passion to make a difference, a passion to shed the cobwebs that cloud our inner vision.
I don’t know where I belong. I don’t know who to turn to most of the time. I cried for twenty-four hours straight last night and missed work which is silly of me because I had to let out my emotions healthily. I wanted to disappear because I came to Scotland for a fresh start but I am always being told to hide how I feel, that’s its wrong to express emotion because we need to create stability in society. The whole world is in chaos right now. There’s a shift in peoples awareness.
Not one person called me to see if I was okay and I was crying and extremely down. I realised I dont have many people. I’ve been homeless twice in my life I’m constantly fighting for a place in peoples lives. Some of us just want to be loved. I’m broken with a heart of gold and I just wish that I had that balance. I don’t want to keep changing jobs whenever I have a bpd episode or lose people close to me when I’m depressed. I want to smile again. Properly. Some people crave money. I crave love and all the natural beautiful feelings people take for granted.
It’s a sad world. But I guess that is why I wanted to share my thoughts with the 200 followers I do have. So you’re not alone. So you can feel the words thread in your heart and make you whole again.
One day I’d love to set up a specialist Borderline Personality Disorder clinic where people can do drama therapies, arts and crafts, learn social skills, EMDR therapy. After my exams I’ll set up a business plan but people don’t understand BPD. We never know when someone can change and yes it hurts us but we have to be strong. We all have each other.