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You’ll want to read this!! Borderline & the INFJ

During my last borderline personality disorder crisis at the time I felt I had no control over the changes within my brain and focused so much on the labels and the permanent factor thrust aside them, I didn’t focus my attention on probability and how my memory can cause my anger.

I’ve built on the new from experience.

I felt at the time well if no one close to me cares the world doesn’t and people are out to hurt me. That’s a negative automatic thought that springs to mind as it was a situation of conflict. This was when I realised the distinction between concentration and conflict.

I realised I was focusing so much on the slanderous negative beliefs that others had labelled me with for being abused throughout my life in more ways than one instead of focusing on my goal which was to separate myself from the mental health condition that inspired me to write this blog.

Ive always loved learning. It’s the most positive part of my memory and I’ve always aspired to go on to achieve better things because I had the belief that I could. I knew deep down I deserved better than what I experienced in my life.

Recently I decided to let go of others false beliefs about me as I realised they were judging at face value rather than looking at causality and helping me and I realised I can only help myself. I’m alone the majority of the time so at first was quite skeptical about the borderline personality disorder diagnosis but then from experience as a sufferer I realised what it actually is. A disorder thrust upon empaths. We were born empaths. We have emotions, we know how to love, we have empathy, we are creative, we are intelligent except our compassionate nature can lead us to be attracted to the opposite of who we are as people and that’s narcissm.

The labels never tell you the good things about borderline personality disorder such as good insight, self-awareness, superb long term memory, able to recall memories since a toddler, creative, has a gift, talent or skill, observant, has superb situational judgement, can stay with one person for a lifetime if they honestly love them back, will continue to fight for what’s right, idealistic and compassionate.

My theoretical view of the psychological personality of Borderline Personality Disorder is INFJ. If you have borderline personality disorder then take the Myers Briggs personality disorder questionnaire on 16personalities.com.

List your results in the comments.

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Another’s perspective of you is not your reality 💌✔️

For so much of my life I’ve worried and then it wasn’t until my ultimate nervous breakdown I realised just how much judgement constitutes for the separation of people within society.

Nowdays I see people guided by opinions irrespective of the facts, conform to a group who seem more confident at their false perception of an individual and repetitively deteriorate someone’s worth to the point they leave them suffering but still post the same old pointless memes; “Check up on your friend.”

I’m an extra artist (not a qualified actor). Sometimes people accuse me of being narcissistic in some way as a borderline when we are opposites of narcissistic people. We only have traits from those who suppressed their sense of power within our solemn minds.

Real narcissistic people hate animals but most of the time will say “I like dogs”, love manipulating people for money and have the potential to kill.

That is real narcissm. Narcissistic rage happens when others don’t conform to your standards or do what you want them to do but that’s the only time you’ll ever see a narcissist angry. 💙

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Is it harder for those with a high IQ to receive adequate mental health care?

This is a question that wavers me. In the current mental health system; mental health is seemed as the way we think rather than looking at the way the brain corresponds to the different imbalances of chemicals.

We shouldn’t forget that others dedicate their lives to making sure others are safe with their emotional and mental health development.

We shouldn’t forget the stigma within mental health systems either – especially in a way that despises their view except when you try and say it’s not you they think you have the power to control it during a crisis.

During a crisis it is hard. It’s hard because time is a healer. It’s hard because you can lose friends. It’s hard because it can damage your personal life and when the crisis is over you spend the next few years piecing yourself back together again and learning from your experiences.

IQ is separate from what is really occurring within our brain. It’s separate from our thoughts, emotions and experiences.

IQ is just a mixed combination of what we are born with and how we have used our interpersonal knowledge in society.

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How to build your own creative business

Step 1:

Research; Carry out your own primary or secondary research to find out what people would like in the overall population. Create graphs, power-points, field studies or even questionnaires to find out how we can build ourselves up to replenishment through what the majority of the population are interested in.

Step 2:

Market; Decide your audience and market and construct/draft spider diagrams of ideas and indoctrinate this in a presentation.

Step 3:

Pitch; Pitch your finalised idea and product and buy a business book to teach yourself how to make money from your new idea and introduce the finalised product or service to the wider community.

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The borderline wants love

The borderline wants love.

They suffered a lack of it. Their emotions are intensified as they were never taught how to love property but met with shame and pain.

The borderline wants forgiveness. The borderline wants to find the inner peace of the world within theirselves. The borderline is both discouraged and courageous.

The borderline has built a fortress out of cobbles and darkness and pushed through with positivity; except they react when people hurt them. The borderlines were placed on this earth to teach others its better to love. We can see it as a gift or a curse. I choose to see it as a gift because it means we can love even if we do struggle with interaction with others and have bipolar based mood swings. We are the warriors of present civilisation because we have to battle through the sunshine and the snow at different intervals within our lives waiting for someone to bless us with stability, bless us with love and bless us with the gift to be part of a group.

That’s the beauty of the borderline.

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Have you ever let a friend down because of your anxiety?

I have, and this has always given me tremendous guilt. Guilt because when my brain doesn’t want to co-operate and you’re worried about how you will seem.

You just want to apologise to your friend’s but they understand when you’re not well but slowly they begin to walk away from you like you’re a burden that just intensifies your pain and gives your brain that shudder it doesn’t want to feel.

A vibration and a gulp.

A cognitive distortion and overgeneralisation resulting in four factors.

Anxiety, sadness, helplessness and depression.

It’s always better to just go for any positive opportunity you can because you may surprise yourself at your abilities. You may get there and realise not everything is bad as it seems. Be in a safe environment where you can feel loved and cared for and can project your positive emotions on to others is always the way to go.

If only I could apologise to my friends. If only I could make up for the lost hours when I hid myself away. If only I could apologise to the opportunities in the past.

If only medical professionals accepted me for who I was. If only I could become successful when describing my pain to at least help someone out there.

I hear you, I know you’re struggling.

I feel you, I can feel your pain.

I see you, I can visualise your trauma.

♥️💌♥️

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Does it matter what others think about us?

As a borderline I often worry about what others think of me. How they see my image. How they see me as me. Are they able to see my struggles although more often than not I’m met with – you look fine. You’re okay.

You tend to look deeper at your inner self at this point and overanalyse and overthink pushing yourself into oblivion, pushing yourself into the face of adversity looking at your flaws and giving them a label like your diagnosis which isn’t really healthy.

I suppose living with borderline personality disorder is a bit like watching a movie. You cry, you laugh, you’re just like others but with this big passionate personality bursting out in the environment. It’s like our brains are programmed to be too empathetic that gives us the feeling of isolation, that gives us the feeling we must be more adult with our emotions.

Honestly though. Do you think the cave men said right, that person’s got a mental health problem we don’t want them. No. Maybe some yes but overall no. The only priority back then was good, safety and water. Additionally, which I must say… we still adopt the same behaviours and have the same views to teach us how to respond to the environment. Our reptile brains still exist and technology is advancing faster than our brains can cope with. Technology is a beautiful source but it’s still used inappropriately, to judge, to bully, to allow ourselves to misguide ourselves through endless thoughts because there’s always a comparison. Always a sense of fear or threat because people can write their opinions on a platform which is largely based on opinion than fact.

 

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Early Sunrise 🌅

The sea blue light of the early hour

Awakens the nests within the trees

A slight breeze and a heavy yawn

The transition from dusk to dawn

Hold the hour at which you wake

Appreciate the day that lies before you

Tomorrow isn’t here yet

We only have today

Today to make change

Today to help one another

Today to start fresh

The sun and the moon rise through storm and hail

At the same speed and the same rotation

You’ll never see our biggest shared assets fall

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Another day gone

I write this as I’m ready to take the next journey in my life. I don’t want to be accepted. I just want a life.

When I say ‘life’ – I’m all alone. I feel lonely, I feel like everyone around me are having children and I’m just growing through life focusing on positive objectives and occupations that suit my creative abilities except some people look at the borderline personality disorder label and automatically think…well that’s her personality. When it isn’t.

I’ve made so many mistakes in my past that I never intended to do. But I’ve really pulled myself together and on the day I was going to apologise to my previous general practitioner as felt stable – he rejected my appointment because I felt low because of my borderline personality disorder when I was going to enquire about my physical health. Of course he had been supportive in the past but that all changed and we can’t make others understand but in a way I feel really abandoned by the healthcare providers when they do that as it makes me feel like my illness is ‘me’ and not something that needs to be treated.

There’s so much discrimination with borderline personality disorder that it scares me. It scares me because I haven’t got a criminal record; I’ve never intentionally hurt anyone and I’ve always picked myself up after a fall. Is that a bad thing?

Sometimes we wish adults can be adults and understand us. I’m great working with children as have many creative ideas but the fact is the label doesn’t give the illness much justice. It just gives others the opportunity to put you down before knowing who you really are and that’s what needs to change 💌

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Value your emotions because they’re valid

Emotions are gifts. They allow us to feel, they allow us to construct, they allow us to create.

Is this a bad thing? No. Modern society sees normal emotions as a burden to the stability that is trying to be created through sociology development.

We are transforming people into robots to care only about themselves without acknowledging that emotions are extremely valid and real. Technology is amazing if used in the right manner.

People can judge you based on a negative emotion you have without identifying the cause behind the negative emotion.

For example. Let’s say you were bullied in your occupation for a health condition and this lowered your self-esteem and impacted on your ability to perform a task. You then react angrily and that’s regarded as the ‘person’ you are.

Would you allow this judgement to effect and control your life? Or would you dust yourself off and remember your worth?

The choice is yours. Remember being human is a gift. We all have different appearances, skills, ambitions – imagine how amazing the world would be if we used that to our advantage.

Replace the negative with the positive. Watch yourself transform into the best version of yourself.

Never give up.

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Self-reflection and creative ideas

Many people ask me where my creative ideas come from. They come from my experience, the come from the fireworks of chemicals zapping through my fragile mind.

Am I ashamed of this? No. Why should I be?

Its not about what is wrong with us, it’s about how we can improve our own mental health and wellbeing without affecting those around us. We all can’t have the same opinions. It’s like when people judge your past and assume you would grow up to be a negative individual searching for more pain to add to your life that you’ve already experienced.

This isn’t true. If it was – nearly everyone would have broken down and lost themselves completely by now. Sometimes we don’t even realise our strengths until we are thrust in the darkness, neglected, having that ambition for a better and prosperous life.

Keep going. Because it will happen.

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Your anxiety breathes

Anxiety, Anxiety, Anxiety.

How it gives the false illusion you are drowning in your past experiences, drowning in the foundations of what shaped you, playing cricket with the chemicals within your brain – seemingly excusing yourself from all social activities making yourself appear socially enept but  sociable through writing. Writing gives you reassurance. It gives you a creative spark. It is the hope that will set you free from the demons on earth. The demons are silent.