I write this as I’m ready to take the next journey in my life. I don’t want to be accepted. I just want a life.
When I say ‘life’ – I’m all alone. I feel lonely, I feel like everyone around me are having children and I’m just growing through life focusing on positive objectives and occupations that suit my creative abilities except some people look at the borderline personality disorder label and automatically think…well that’s her personality. When it isn’t.
I’ve made so many mistakes in my past that I never intended to do. But I’ve really pulled myself together and on the day I was going to apologise to my previous general practitioner as felt stable – he rejected my appointment because I felt low because of my borderline personality disorder when I was going to enquire about my physical health. Of course he had been supportive in the past but that all changed and we can’t make others understand but in a way I feel really abandoned by the healthcare providers when they do that as it makes me feel like my illness is ‘me’ and not something that needs to be treated.
There’s so much discrimination with borderline personality disorder that it scares me. It scares me because I haven’t got a criminal record; I’ve never intentionally hurt anyone and I’ve always picked myself up after a fall. Is that a bad thing?
Sometimes we wish adults can be adults and understand us. I’m great working with children as have many creative ideas but the fact is the label doesn’t give the illness much justice. It just gives others the opportunity to put you down before knowing who you really are and that’s what needs to change 💌