Recognising Manipulation to save lives

The effects of manipulation are diverse. It can control your thoughts, your behaviours, isolate you from your family and friends, create emotional instability, traumatise the brain to the point you’re repetitively thinking about the manipulation over and over again. Your thoughts don’t run in alignment with what you say.

Your brain begins to use suppression techniques to survive further trauma, it changes the way you see the world.

Manipulative people lack empathy, they are only interested in watching you suffer, they control how others see you, they use normative social influence to destroy others perception of you. You end up feeling out of control and powerless wanting to remain positive.

Trauma survivors are insightful. They seek a world where understanding is prevalent & safety is a priority. Narcissistic injury creates a guilt & shame based perspective that induces suicidal feelings.  You begin to gradually decline in your physical and emotional development. You doubt your perceptions. You begin trusting less & less until the damage intensifies and you’re seen as the blame. Survivors are not to blame for the abuse they’ve had to suffer in their lives except more trauma based resources need to be available especially for emotional abuse support groups.

The differentiation between domestic abuse and narcissistic abuse is in narcissistic abuse the perpetrator is usually calm and collected whilst the victim becomes even more ill steadily over a period of time until they have a catastrophic personality change and realise this isn’t right and start acting out at the traumas they’ve experienced as if they’re in the present whilst in domestic abuse it’s more overtly obvious to the medical and psychological community.


Wondering Minds

Different moods can portray different emotions in different contexts representing different meanings so we can never force someone to understand things from our point of view as we all have different values and we all create a different image of what we feel certain words and phrases mean.

Let me give an example; 

Not everyone likes Sushi right? Everyone has a different taste in food so when people judge another person because of agreeing with the higher status of a proposed group then humans can transfer their opinions to fit in with the expectations of a particular group. That’s what the saying says about following the crowd, you know, the sheep and the crowd?

Always trust your instinct because only you truthfully know who you really are. The world can be a cruel place because of greed, trust yourself but love one another. Keep your circle small for a happy and prosperous life.


The Low Mood

From the naked eye you see a smile

A delightful smile of a woman who has everything

What you don’t see are the bricks within the decorated walls

The bricks that weigh down her emotions

The bricks that fall on her heavy as she sleeps

You can’t see the bricks she holds within herself

So you judge, you assume, you scoff

It doesn’t hurt to be a little kind

For a mental health illness is heavy

Not a personal failure or a mistake

Mental health isn’t a means for ridicule

Mental health should be a means for recovery



The Borderline & NLP

Borderlines have a very comprehensive view of what they believe to be right from personal experience.

Is Borderline Personality Disorder genetic or environmental? Are there any courses out there that can channel the way borderlines think and process information?

In a crisis it is extremely hard to put across a viewpoint from another’s perspective and borderlines only really present themselves to the psychological services during a crisis when they lose control and start panicking because of the various fluctuation of moods, the suicidal thoughts and the paranoia. Expressing their pain can bring on more stigma within healthcare professions because healthcare providers fail to understand why the borderline just can’t switch off.

There’s a reason for this:

1. Most borderlines have experienced consistent neglect and abuse and attracted themselves to emotionally unavailable people because it’s less suffocating and then have relationship difficulties because of failed emotional response which triggers their primitive brain into overdrive and drives the borderline into a constant state of fear and panic with lack of rationality hence the term emotionally unstable person disorder is used more often for diagnostic purposes. The anger of the borderline during a crisis is usually triggered so in actual fact borderline personality disorder is the borderline between bipolar affective disorder and PTSD which is mostly why the CPTSD term was introduced in Spring of 2018.

Why does it border between PTSD and Bipolar?

  • The anger is unintentional and normally triggered by a reminder of a previous traumatic experience
  • Thoughts can be creative and manic and any stage especially during relationships or extreme psychological distress
  • Borderlines can come across as openly manipulative which is HIGHLY unintentional but they do when they are asking someone to help them or to stop their symptoms, sometimes even to evaluate their experiences when their senses go right out the window.
  • They can become increasingly agitated and hyper vigilant and their brains are often in flight/fight response so if you’re a medical professional and you’re judging someone based on their reactions to a traumatic experience then that’s unfair and unjust because if the borderline didn’t want to feel that way believe me they wouldn’t. People make unrealistic biases based on descriptions of labels without understanding the underlying causes and concepts which of course doesn’t get straight to the root of the issue. I call this the domino effect. For example, let’s say someone has toothache. A dentist will not say it will heal – they will open your mouth and find the cause of the issue and treat the infection. The same integrative therapy must be introduced into psychotherapy to effectively communicate with a borderline. So how will NLP help this? Neurolinguistic programme is a way of introducing positive thoughts as a way of communication – a bit like watching the secret by Rhonda Byrne. Look up NLP courses online and design programmes to assist a borderline during therapy.
  • All borderlines have a talent or skill but it’s up to them to find that skill and create lasting positive effects to their wellbeing and self-esteem through counselling and creative therapies before thrusting themselves into the world of the unknown where anything can happen and because their primitive brains know this they can easily become confused, struggle with comprehensive input although have exceptional knowledgeable output and come across as lacking empathy when borderlines have too much empathy as empathy drives our emotional boundaries. The outdated labels create shame and stigma combined with the overt perception of the illness so why is it called a personality disorder? This is something the medical researchers and higher professionals need to change in order to stop the rising suicidal rates so take the advice from a true borderline. Every borderline has a different personality. We cant all have double personalities!! Some borderlines may also be re-diagnosed as having Unspecified Personality Disorder when their symptoms have stabilised after a crisis and some may have additional CPTSD which can make it difficult to pin an identifiable cause of their symptoms as they could have experienced MULTIPLE interpersonal traumas and long term abuse.
  • Let’s end stigma today and be more positive and proactive in helping another borderline

So now we come to question.. is BPD environmental or genetic?

Its both. It’s both because trauma can have specific effects on the memory consolidation process and the individual themselves which changes the function of the brain and is a flight or fight response to negative environmental factors that trigger their symptoms.

Sometimes we can only be patient, not take things to heart and wait for a borderline to come through their crisis helping them along the way without taking the negative reactions personally .


Forest Imagery

Allow your soul to feel the warmth of the summer air as you close your eyes and imagine an exotic beach surrounded by fields of sunflowers and dandelions dancing in alignment with the velvet green grass.

Your soul feels passion, it feels delight, it is the symphony of the milk way, an inner warmth that only you can feel.

Really close your eyes. Imagine the blazing hot sun shimmering between the trees separating the path from the shadows, forests of soilders standing guard of engraved copper caves watching over the sea guiding the ships and its sailors.

Imagine a safe spot within the forest where you can let go of your thoughts, a feeling of self-control and self-comfort listening to the echoes of natures most glorious species.

A lighthouse with a light bearing a ninety degree view of the soft white sand.

Breathe in an out slowly but deeply for five minutes whilst imaging the beauty of the forest. The forest by the shore.


What does depression feel like?

Depression is more than just a low mood, it’s more than a label, it’s more than laziness, it’s not someone’s personality.

Depression is the feeling of helplessness, the fighting to be optimistic, the steady humming in the frontal lobe, the sleep less nights accompanied by its neighbour; anxiety.

When does biological depression start? How does it start? What differentiates bipolar depression from bipolar depression? How do we judge others in moments they lose control, being passive aggressive fighting for help and and met with “Just get on with your life.”

Depression is an invisible sponge, a clouded perception coated in salt. Depression is the heart beating fast, the busyness of the world seeming either fast forward or in slow motion.

Depression is crying every night, depression is an abnormal function within the brain with neurons firing faster than the speed of light.

Depression is a source of pain one cannot describe unless experienced it in their darkest moments. It’s a brain illness; not an excuse.

No one would want to feel that way if they had a choice ♡


Symbols & Indoctrinations

One way to separate an individual from a mental health label is to ask them their values. 

Values are what separates each individual retrospectively. For example, one person may choose to live in a busy city to work for a top technology firm because they enjoy communication and applying their skills to the general population whereas another person may choose to live in a quiet area surrounded by natural sources such as caves, rivers and twinkling streams.

We all have collective personalities and memories different from another except with the same concept of referring to a memory. These concepts are generated symbols designed by our unconscious to describe our perception and outlook.

The advertising we see are unconscious influencers to our desired wants rather than needs which leaves humans wanting more than what they have hence the rising mental health rates in the western world. Simply, they are symbols. Everything you see is a symbol or a pattern of past events which may be political, scientific, spiritual, genetic- you name it. Everything we see is made up of the five senses and these senses create an improvised network to deliver a message to a sample of a population. Popularity comes from advancements aimed to influence the majority of the population to create a norm, like an establishment of power.

Each symbol will have a different meaning to its peers except when mental health labels are given to us within society yet once people hear someone they know has a mental health condition that isn’t visually observant they begin to analyse and interpret the meaning of that label as an overgeneralised symbol which doesn’t help with separating the individual from the mental health condition. I mean really think about it. People cause the most suffering. Political views have created wars  we’ve evolved and used money to give humans a class status, we have first class and standard class on trains and VIP nightclub venues which makes some people feel worthless and unimportant and doesn’t support equality in the slightest.

We can only craft our own meaning of ourselves and set our own boundaries because if we don’t we allow others to do that for us.


The Isolated Borderline

To the partners of the sufferer. I know how hard you try to help your loved one. I know how hard you try and make communication.

The days your loved one curls up in bed not ready to face the day whilst you put food on the table, the rapid mood swings with such emotional intensity that the sufferer feels devalued because they don’t want to feel that way.

They appreciate you. They love you millions. Even if they don’t show it. They are battling their inner demons crying out for help believing things would get better.

They switch goals easily, they’re depressed, they’re irritable but their social media profiles are full of selfies & posts of self-reflection. They’re expressing their pain so creatively.

The borderline doesn’t want to hurt you. They want to feel safe. They want to feel secure. They want to be able to live a happy life although their positive emotions don’t always reflect their inner mood.

The borderline senses danger. Their minds are in constant flight and fight response because their memories have been moulded to fit in with their most painful experiences. Those who have felt the most pain always know how to love because they know what the opposite is.

Opposites attract. Love releases a chemical called oxytocin within the same brain region that affects the borderline.

Trust me when I say this but she loves you.

She loves you with her heart although she let’s go or tries to keep you when she senses a threat. A threat that you will walk away and find someone else but she passionately tries to avoid to cry herself to the point of self-destruction.

Don’t intend to hurt her because the symptoms will magnify.

Love her as you would yourself; (both men & women)

Break down the stigma. He/she is brave. She has a talent. Help her find it ♡


What to say to a borderline during therapy

Psychologists and psychiatrists can play their part in treating a borderline by reorganisation. 

Below I’ve listed ways how:

  1. Replace ‘you are too emotional and take things to heart’ with the words ‘I know you’re struggling, please can you explain to me what happened in more detail and why you feel the way you do? If the therapist is weary of delusions compromising or interfering with the therapy then they can arrange a follow up meeting and ask the same question again for clarification purposes.
  2. Ask a borderline what their creative hobbies are and suggest creative activities they can do.
  3. Remind the borderline they are aware their negative emotions are not intentional but be more parental in a supportive way and suggest ways can  remove the anger from their processes although in times of crisis the anger can be explosive because of the highs and the lows.
  4. Introduce positive communication methods and integrate this into therapy to help the borderline communicate more efficiently in times of distress.
  5. Dont take things to heart with a borderline- they can lose their trust pretty quickly but only because they’ve been hurt so much before.

Our Creation (poem)

The souls thunder is a memory of defeat

From the enemy that portrayed the darkest hour

It crushes, rejects, the opinions of those who care

For the purpose of money & for the purpose of war

A delicate world on the brink of collapse

Sins magnified and ignorance replenished

The destruction of death

Until it’s too late to make change

We will never know

What peace feels like in the brink of madness

Because selfishness is destructive and may encapsulate your deepest fears

Love is the opposite, therefore opposites attract

Do not compare, or argue with a broken soul

Understand and help them instead

To learn from another is to be re-born

To create a simple future

And a positive world



This is a man who applied physics to real-life situations. To put this quote into perspective what Einstein is referring to is the scientific term “force” – for example; gravity keeps us on the ground; it is an invisible force and this can be applied to words. When you notice patterns within the universe you start questioning the causalities with an open mind rather than follow the crowd with the normalised sociological views.

To listen is to understand,

To understand is to help. Creating change by understanding is far better than judgement for if we try to use force we can break (emotionally) whereas if we understand we are able to help others in life a lot more; apply science to real-life situations and see a difference in the outside world 💛



The mind of the borderline

We can create, we can love, we can heal 

We can connect patterns, we have obsessions with positivity counteracting the depression within our brains, fighting for survival on a day to day basis.

The stigma attached to the condition is degrading and decreases the worth of the survivor. Notice how I use the word survivor?

Sometimes all we need is someone to listen to us and understand rather than watch us struggle in our lives with our social functioning and be criticised by the professionals who are supposed to help us.

All it takes is a bit of love and the right communication.

Don’t bring down a damaged soul to the brink of despair. You have no idea the trauma they hold within their hearts ♡