Asperger’s syndrome is a developmental disorder; not a mental health condition so it’s harder for those on the autistic spectrum to explain themselves in times of crisis through face to face communication methods. We look normal on the outside although we can talk in the first person a lot. It is assumed we have no empathy except the truth is we have too much.
Most people see Asperger’s syndrome as someone who is connected to mathematics or patterns – that is true but is it the same for women? My Asperger’s means I see patterns in life events that scare me, the disrupt of routine can undermine my true personality and if I don’t know what to expect I can get anxious. I like to be goal committed: Autistic adults seem slow at first at learning a new task but give them a few weeks extra time and you wouldn’t regret employing someone on the autistic spectrum. We can teach others things about the universe that others are unable to see. I’ve been trying to switch off my Asperger’s syndrome my whole life except it’s never worked.
Previously I stated I felt I had bipolar disorder mistaken as borderline personality disorder in relation to my fluctuating moods. I was diagnosed with depression and put on sertraline but was told I didn’t have bipolar disorder even though I excel in creativity and am fascinated with how different subjects connect with one another.
I was speaking to a friend earlier today and she said you wouldn’t guess I had any mental health illness by speaking to me and I realised how much I had wasted my life away worrying about whether I would be accepted in any occupation, whether I belong anywhere, why I couldn’t communicate face to face properly but could release my emotions in acting and writing and work on my own initiative. I often questioned myself, not because I didn’t value my own abilities but because others questioned mine. It’s easier to express what travels through my mind except I guess that’s why the surrounding world is fast forward for me.
One of my good friends is a man with the same condition as me and he expresses himself so compassionately I see him as a warrior, a survivor, someone with potential who doesn’t even know it.
I was struggling since I was a child. Why is this relevant?
You cannot predetermine the course of a mental health condition in later adult life. Why are the mental health rates increasing? What can we do about it? People who I’ve fallen out with have made lies up about me and formed their little group and circle and laughed about my difficulties except if they knew the truth they’d eat their own words. That’s the thing about judgement. We all do it. But…
Theres a difference between truth and judgement. I’ve found it really hard to make friends in Stevenage because of my Aspergers Syndrome and BPD and when my brain changed in September 2018 and I had a brief period of feeling suicidal I was convinced it was PTSD or bipolar related but only because I had previously studied three years of psychology and my cognitive ability had rapidly been declining which is coming back on the sertraline.
This is how mental health affects the brain. Occupations worry especially when it comes to health and safety procedures but they don’t need to worry because the equality act helps those with mental health conditions remain in work but I find employers don’t understand the concept of it. People can have lifelong developmental disorders and mental health conditions and be advanced in their literacy or advanced in their practicalities.
Life isn’t a competition. It’s about recognising who we are and what we want out of life and focusing on our health and developments.
Developing skills 📝
I took some rather splendid photographs of Central London this week for my research portfolio which I plan to use to describe mental health using the environment as a visual perspective.
How does this work?
You travel to a place that means something to you personally. It can be local, abroad, or even in your own home.
You take a photograph of that place. They say every picture speaks a thousand words!
So what do we do next . . .
1. Look at the photograph above. Just look at it. Take in all the information visually. Really feel the historical vibe and the patterns of Shakespeare’s famous Globe Theatre. What does the photograph represent? Imagine what you believe is inside that building. This is an exercise designed to look at our inner selves and is a critical thinking exercise. Everyone will have a unique perception of what they feel would be inside. . . So really take a look at it. What does the building mean to you?
How does this relate to mental health do you ask?
This is when we come to step two:
2. Write down all the emotions and feelings you believe this building contains within its frame work. Write down what you believe inspired the architects to design this building in a certain way.
3. What did you learn from doing this exercise?
I sit and I wait, and sigh
A dreamer to the observer
A loner to the other eye
My brain slithers
Through many comparisons of mood
Yet no one understands
The disorganised spelling
Normal speech and a thousand words
Cannot heal this awful curse
Okay, so I had a mental breakdown although little did I know it would open opportunities and possibilities for me to develop myself even further. I’ve learnt so much from aspiring people who are interested in the way I write and have a new advertising project to contend with. To focus on writing makes me forget about what’s wrong with me and think about my worth and capabilities. I want to create a survey designed for employers and managers to find out their views on mental health to get more people with mental health issues in positions that suit their needs rather than be looked at as the label of a mental health condition. I hope to accomplish this by the summer and create my own advert and mental health media website with my own designed templates for better mental health recovery. I’ve been working through my DBT books and been using critical thinking exercises so I can shape my future and get back into work and achieve my goals. Why should I apologise for being unwell at a time I was suffering. Suffering so openly. Suffering on my own because the small minds wanted to break me. Why do I want to be like those negative people. I’m essentially a positive person but with a throwback of trauma except this just shapes my mind to believe in better in myself and next time to be more careful in who I associate with to avoid another crisis. I’m better at working independently but we all have different skills and attributes. No two people are the same.
Just a typical daily life note.
What is subtle psychological manipulation?
My personal definition is the process of transferring underhanded tactics to manipulate an individual using majority influence in an attempt to discredit and restrict someone from making their own decisions and deprive them from their basic needs.
Yes I’ve been through this and survived. The damage is long-lasting but it doesn’t mean you can’t get better. Once you’ve been through the process, lost control, doubted your perceptions and lost everything – use your positive mindset to build upon a new foundation, use your experiences to help others and most importantly never give up! Mental health illness can derive from these dangerous tactics used by skilled manipulators. When you conform to their wants and needs you risk losing yourself. You’re better without their judgement, you’re better without them. When you come out of the illusions that traumatised you interpersonally you can build fresh. Love yourself for who you are.
I love London – the architecture, the opportunities available, the people, diverse communities, thousands of years of history: All educational subjects converged together in visual sequence. (That’s the way I look at it)
What is exceptionally beautiful about Inverness is the castle, the plane journey over the loch landing on soft tarmac ground – 30,000 ft above the mountains and the clouds – snow capped mountains in spring with a ball of light shining down on the historical verges and valleys.
The rural beauty of Scotland and the densely populated historical culture of London has always given me an insight into different cultural backgrounds and for that reason that’s one thing I love about diversity.