From experience the way I look at it is our primitive brains were designed to look out for danger, to be on the lookout for threats so if you’ve consolidated unhealthy ways of forming relationships into your memory process and you’ve witnessed instability in your parents relationships or had consistent negative feedback about your behaviour as a child then you’re going to pick up on those negative behaviours and learn traits of those behaviours subjective to the personality disorder criteria. You’re going to fall in love quickly because your brain is wanting love but it just doesn’t know how to handle its intensity yet. You’re going to feel dissociated, and the mood swings will start. You’re going to feel anxious, you fear what happened to you in the past. You fear you’ll never be able to love properly and if you fall in love with someone who lacks the ability to be able to love but has a false deameanour this is only going to activate the flight and fight response of your brain even more. As the relationship progresses and these people keep bringing you down subtly and not listening to your pain or your feelings you’re going to feel abandoned, you’re going to feel rejected but by then your brain has already gone into a wild state of fear with delusions and hallucinations especially when you walk away to prevent an episode. This can also happen with complex ptsd. Complex ptsd symptoms are specifically noticeable if the individual has come out of an emotionally abusive relationship. People become triggers you lose your trust in the world, you become paranoid with regular suicidal feelings but when you walk away from the triggers that induce these feelings your personality can go back to normal, the compulsion stops, the horrible memories of the past. That’s complex ptsd.
The way you reacted, the way you dealt with your pain doesn’t define you. When you’ve got through the head vibrations and the attacks, when you’ve got through that process you become more aware. You become more aware of your triggers. And if you’ve suffered more than one type of abuse certain places, events, can trigger your primitive brains to react in the moment in those places. You’ll feel numbed in your emotions emotional at the same time or happen at different intervals. There is nothing wrong with you. You just need to work in acknowledging what it is you’re afraid of. What triggers your brain to go into overdrive and what strategies you need to take to ensure it doesn’t happen again. It’s how it affects you’re daily life. Not theirs. You deserve a relationship where there is mutual love, mutual consistency, someone who is emotionally intelligent to be able to signify the event of a crisis. I know how it feels to ruminate what these people did to you, I know that, I’ve felt it. But it passes you can begin to let go. Healing is a process.