I have my first ever dialogue feature film audition on Saturday. The thing I love about acting is you can portray just about any emotion in a specific context with a comprised script and become a character other than your own. Sounds cool? Maybe? Just?
I am so excited. If I pass the audition it means I’m eligible for equity of the movie that will be released nationwide.
I’m putting my all in to the audition to show the talent that I have. Of course we have to be open to rejection but acting and the creative arts are the occupations that never fail to lighten my heart.
If you’ve ever studied psychology then nine times out of ten you would have heard of Milgrams experiment.
If we want to dive deep into the consciousness of our souls we have to look at the social factors too.
Psychology says that a small group of people will conform to an authority figure even if they had done wrong.
Worrying isn’t it?
For example, let’s say a general practitioner failed in his duty of care for a patient and conflict arose. The patient is more likely to be viewed as the problem if the general practitioner gave a false account of events.
Isn’t this enough reason not to allow anyone to define you? Labels are supposed to guide us, help us and motivate us. Labels are not there for discrimination.
To build a better world it all starts from within. Let go of the weights that pull you down.
I sometimes look back at my past decisions and think of ways I could change some of those decisions, although I always here the same advice: Life is about choices. But what if we made choices that we wouldn’t make if we were well within ourselves?
To me, life is about causality and effect. Holistic and integrative therapies are common in the western world that doesn’t always support the biological psychological theory of mental illness which is dangerous. It’s dangerous because if we are not encouragingly open then we can’t deliver change to future generations for better mental health care.
When I’m low I write a poem. My poems come through me instantly like someone is telling me what to write except it’s all my own work and I speak from the soul. It’s more like a psycho analytical therapy using this blog. I enjoy writing because it helps me balance my thoughts in a cognitive way even when my moods low and hard to handle.
I always wonder if I will ever be good for anyone. I worry about my illnesses affecting them. I worry that I won’t make the best girlfriend. I worry so much because to me love is special and I may have fallen for people who were not right for me in the past or the wrong circumstances I can’t imagine anyone falling for me. I don’t see it in my near future and it does put me off relationships.
My inner spiral churns at every angle
Wanting freedom from brain captivity
Emotions on cue but moods not in alignment
She paces through the streets
Daydreaming and staring into the atmosphere
Time at a fast forward pace
Everything moving so fast
Ideas coming through like a bolt of lightening
No one understands
How deeply exotic the highs are
How worryingly submissive the lows are
If only she could turn off her moods
Keep hold of her positive emotions in balance with a blissful mood
She would be at peace
Within the shadows she lurks
Fighting to see the sun through the moonlight
Capturing her flaws and diminishing her evil
She sharpens her wand
Looking for her next ladybird
A treasure hunt you may say
Or a trip down memory lane
Where the fairies and the gnomes gather
Forming magical lanterns
To light their natural habitat
The ridicule from the onlookers
Towards those with a damaged mind
Reflecting the evil and exposing the suppression
Conformity of the closing blinds
What is it they’re asking?
What is it they’re mocking?
Something they don’t personally understand
But lingers in their twilight shadow
Crowds of laughter but tears full of pain
When they become those they laughed at
Their hearts will fill with shame
It has been a while since I posted anything on my blog although today I thought I’d share some wonderful news.
I’ve moved to Scotland although I’m happier emotionally my depression is slowly creeping back, bleak and hollow, sleepless nights and vibrating minds. I get suicidal thoughts every couple of days but distract myself although I’m in control in that scenario. I know it’s my brain just unwell and poorly and it gives me the motivation to beat through it. . .
I’ve met a few of my housemates who are lovely, did some food shopping and wrote a list of wellbeing groups to attend. I am finally settling into my new home although there is one person I miss wholeheartedly. My ex partner. I dont care about what happened between us in the past. He was a diamond in a sea bed of rocks. I always saw the best in him and love him so much although it’s not a possibility to ever get back together it’s like saying goodbye to a good friend.
I shouldn’t have fallen back in love but you can’t stop yourself from just feeling so passionately about someone. I guess that’s life. I suppose that’s why I get annoyed when others consider me to be narcissistic because of my borderline personality disorder when I’m the complete opposite – I feel too much and love too much and it sends my brain into overdrive in a mordernised society although it’s possible to fall in love again but for now it’s settling down in my new home ♡