A day without sertraline for a BPD brings on sudden intense mood swings and changes to our brain’s biochemistry. It’s similar to someone coming along with a magic wand and transforming your character into someone you don’t even know or even worse, a ghost.
You begin to feel your emotions heighten without the medication. You experience emotional intense flashbacks. You just want someone to care but not to get too close. You want to hide in a dark room all alone and cry yourself into oblivion and ironically you enjoy it. You enjoy feeling again but you also remember the stability of being on medication. I was speaking to my cousin earlier and her local GP in Enfield said to her “Just be happy” even though she has bipolar and bpd? Like easy for them to say. Sometimes that can hurt those who take the courage to ask for help. Isn’t it about time that psychiatrists worked alongside general practitioners. After all, doctors examine the body but psychiatry examine the mind yet these blogs from the eyes of a sufferer helps research. It helps development to find a cure for all.
Love hurts us all or should I say the wrong type of love. Love can make us feel afraid, feel desperate not to lose someone, or it can turn the other way.
Within an instant a borderlines pain can be extravagantly magnified in altitude to the point their pain is expressed in verbal threats which they don’t mean. Although this may classify as domestic abuse, the borderline is unwell. Domestic abuse is different. The perpetrator has capacity to know what they are doing but with the borderline their illness is preventing them from forming a singular identity and healthy relationships because they are afraid of what would happen next. Their anxiety magnifies but most of the time their words expressed in anger are defence mechanisms for comfort and support. It’s like they are screaming out for help wanting to feel validated, appreciated and loved. I think if we helped a borderline channel these negative feelings then we could heal them and their families. Love, patience and understanding is all it takes.
I am a borderline.
It’s been a while since I wrote anything at all that would influence the reader to be mindful of their surroundings and make a difference in this world so I’m going to start by discussing the phenomenon “The Secret” and explain the concept of mental health and mental illness.
I know what you’re thinking. How is philosophy and science related? We can’t measure the exact thoughts we have except our frequency can be examined. So let’s begin with explaining what the secret really is about.
The secret describes a law of attraction model where we can influence the circumstances, people and events around us just by thinking about it. I need to be really clear about this so the reader, as in you, understands properly. Okay so if we focus all our attention on something we want we are more likely to achieve it as our perception shapes the outlook of our universe except in regards to mental illness this isn’t that simple. It’s like when you lose an adult tooth. Its unlikely it will ever grow back because it’s not the mind but the body that teeth are part of. I bet you’re wondering well where am I going with this?
Really think about it. Take a second and to think well biological mental illnesses are part of the body but affect us mentally. Yes there are such things as chemical imbalances because I’ve felt it. I began to believe in the illuminati once and my outlook was beyond powerful. It was like I was predicting the future before its occurrence or that could have been a hallucination but can never tell.
Even though we have these great pholosophical concepts that keep us motivated to improve ourselves and our lives, we should never just assume that those with mental illnesses can just heal themselves by thinking about it because sometimes the illness is all theyve ever known so they don’t know how blessed it feels to live without mental illness.
Remember, keep science going and find new treatments. Less stigma and more understanding is a necessity.
Do you ever see patterns? Patterns in life, in embroidery or even the night sky?
Patterns are everywhere. Our brains are wired to follow a specific pattern that is familiar to us, hence we may get ourselves in all sort of silly situations by being a little too trusting.
Borderlines tend to analyse and form new ideas based around these patterns. Borderlines can sometimes think at a higher frequency where their ideas come to light.
Take a trip to a waterfall and feel the air in the silent breeze. Think. Build your inner frequency.
Here is the thing.
A borderline will have one breakdown and plea and ask for help but be rejected by those who support mental health as they believe it comprises their whole personality when this isn’t correct – research hasn’t been conducted efficiently enough to take note of the biological changes.
A borderline will pick themselves up and all of a sudden this will be seen as a sign of weakness to those not experienced the same mental health condition?
This is discrimination. This is something that the small minds are unable to understand so they form their own opinion and mistake your strength as a weakness.
Never let anyone tell you you can’t get better or change after a crisis. Build your hopes back up.
I believe in you.
Every breath I take, I visualise the salt in the fresh mid year, tiny particles forming a unique sense of smell in alignment with the rising sun.
The wind wisps effortlessly through my long strands of hair, a drop of the ocean spits at my thunderous skin.
This is the ride like no other.
I have my first ever dialogue feature film audition on Saturday. The thing I love about acting is you can portray just about any emotion in a specific context with a comprised script and become a character other than your own. Sounds cool? Maybe? Just?
I am so excited. If I pass the audition it means I’m eligible for equity of the movie that will be released nationwide.
I’m putting my all in to the audition to show the talent that I have. Of course we have to be open to rejection but acting and the creative arts are the occupations that never fail to lighten my heart.
If you’ve ever studied psychology then nine times out of ten you would have heard of Milgrams experiment.
If we want to dive deep into the consciousness of our souls we have to look at the social factors too.
Psychology says that a small group of people will conform to an authority figure even if they had done wrong.
Worrying isn’t it?
For example, let’s say a general practitioner failed in his duty of care for a patient and conflict arose. The patient is more likely to be viewed as the problem if the general practitioner gave a false account of events.
Isn’t this enough reason not to allow anyone to define you? Labels are supposed to guide us, help us and motivate us. Labels are not there for discrimination.
To build a better world it all starts from within. Let go of the weights that pull you down.
I sometimes look back at my past decisions and think of ways I could change some of those decisions, although I always here the same advice: Life is about choices. But what if we made choices that we wouldn’t make if we were well within ourselves?
To me, life is about causality and effect. Holistic and integrative therapies are common in the western world that doesn’t always support the biological psychological theory of mental illness which is dangerous. It’s dangerous because if we are not encouragingly open then we can’t deliver change to future generations for better mental health care.
When I’m low I write a poem. My poems come through me instantly like someone is telling me what to write except it’s all my own work and I speak from the soul. It’s more like a psycho analytical therapy using this blog. I enjoy writing because it helps me balance my thoughts in a cognitive way even when my moods low and hard to handle.
I always wonder if I will ever be good for anyone. I worry about my illnesses affecting them. I worry that I won’t make the best girlfriend. I worry so much because to me love is special and I may have fallen for people who were not right for me in the past or the wrong circumstances I can’t imagine anyone falling for me. I don’t see it in my near future and it does put me off relationships.
My inner spiral churns at every angle
Wanting freedom from brain captivity
Emotions on cue but moods not in alignment
She paces through the streets
Daydreaming and staring into the atmosphere
Time at a fast forward pace
Everything moving so fast
Ideas coming through like a bolt of lightening
No one understands
How deeply exotic the highs are
How worryingly submissive the lows are
If only she could turn off her moods
Keep hold of her positive emotions in balance with a blissful mood
She would be at peace
Within the shadows she lurks
Fighting to see the sun through the moonlight
Capturing her flaws and diminishing her evil
She sharpens her wand
Looking for her next ladybird
A treasure hunt you may say
Or a trip down memory lane
Where the fairies and the gnomes gather
Forming magical lanterns
To light their natural habitat
The ridicule from the onlookers
Towards those with a damaged mind
Reflecting the evil and exposing the suppression
Conformity of the closing blinds
What is it they’re asking?
What is it they’re mocking?
Something they don’t personally understand
But lingers in their twilight shadow
Crowds of laughter but tears full of pain
When they become those they laughed at
Their hearts will fill with shame